the lost boy
by loekie
Summary: the usual... Draco get's abused by his father... Harry steps in to save the day no slash as of yet.... rated for child abuse and languish...
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey ya all… my first Harry Potter fanfiction… I don't own any of the characters… if I did… the books would have been mine I tell you and I would be on a sunny beach with a cocktail right now… **_

_**Alright so.. this is about Draco Malfoy getting to grips with his past.. with a little help of course… (no slash.. yet…) **_

_**Well…. Uuh soo.. here it goes… thanks for reading!!**_

I watch you from across the dining-room. Your silver eyes hard and cold and your evil sneer in place. The ice-prince is what they call you, what I used to call you, but after last night…. You turn to one of your 'friends' and they laugh at something you say. You laugh as well, but it doesn't reach your eyes. I can see that from here but they don't notice.

Last night is still fresh in my mind as I pop some food in my mouth. I hadn't been able to sleep and had taken my invisibility cloak to take a walk around bored. I was stunned to say the least when I saw you and your father as I walked outside. I couldn't hear anything but saw his lips move. It must have been some spell. Your hands moved frantically – I assumed you were trying to explain something – he just gave you an evil sneer and his fist caught you in the face. You barely seemed to acknowledge as you simply turn your head back towards the elder man. Briefly I see hatred and anger flash through your eyes. Just for a second though before your icy mask returns. Then your father waved his wand and I was shocked as a whip appeared in his hand. He yelled something and once again for a second I saw something flash through your eyes… fear maybe? Your father grabbed you by the arm, spun you around and pushed you to the floor where he proceeded to hit your back over and over again with the whip. After what I was sure to be an eternity he seemed to get bored with the torture device and the whip disappeared. I saw another evil sneer as you laid there you back bloodied and your robe shredded. The man stood over you his wand razed. I watched his lips as he clearly mouthed 'crucio'. My eyes widened as you body started to spasm on the floor but still you stay silent although you eyes were closed in pain. After what seemed yet another eternity he waved his wand again and it was over. The silencing spell ended. The blond man muttered another spell and your wounds disappear and your robe magically was whole and clean again "you're nothing but a worthless piece of crap, don't you ever forget that" he sneered a broom flying towards the man's side and he swung his long legs smoothly, gracefully over it and sped away.

I kept staring as you rose to your feet. You clenched you jaw – I guess to suppress a groan, the spell you father had cast must have just been to cover up, not heal – you staggered towards the entrance of the school and I followed unsure why I even care after everything we went through, we've been 'nemesis's' from the very first time we met. Before we enter the school you straighten your back and strode inside in the proud, aristocratic way that came with you name.

You seem to joke with your table but you have hardly touched your food. I feel a hand on my shoulder "everything alright?" Hermiony asks and I nod "why wouldn't I be?" I ask her. She shrugged "you haven't said anything since we sat down" she replied and I see the worried look on my red-headed friend as well. I smile shaking my head "I'm fine" I assure them.

That night I wonder of with my cloak again. I just can't seem to fall asleep. I hear something and hide but then I realize it's you. You creep around silently heading into a bathroom. I follow, curious. When I enter I hold my breath for a minute. You stand there a small dagger in your hand that you slice across the pale skin of your arm drawing the bright-red blood in a strong contrast against the white. You slice again and again. And the look on your face is one of sheer relief. I quickly rush to your side loosing the cloak as I do so and grab you hands. You look up dazedly your silver eyes meet mine "Potter?" you ask softly you voice without the usual sneer and malice. I simply nod "What are you doing?" I say softly still shocked. You frown as if you're still not sure what is happening then it dawns on you and you snatch your hand away from mine the mask back in place "What do you want Potter?" you sneer although not as fierce as usual and I see the tiredness in your eyes. I sigh "What are you doing" I repeat myself staring at the dagger in your hand and the cuts on your arms.

_**Well… thanks for reading everybody!! Hope you all liked it! If you did please let me know… same goes for if you didn't since some constructing criticism never goes amiss. I would also like to know if you may have ideas for the story don't hesitate to get in touch! **_

_**Love ya all **_

_**Xx Malou **_


	2. chapter 2

SwarmOfFanGirls: thank you soooo much I'm glad you like it!!  
xsecretwriter: that's sooo sweet... glad you love it..

_**Hope this chapter doesn't dissapoint please let me know what you think!!**_

I'm surprised to see you here. When did you enter? I don't know… it doesn't matter "Potter?" I hear myself ask and I cringe inwardly at the utter weakness in my voice. "What are you doing?" you asked in a shocked voice. I frown but then shake myself out of it choosing to ignore your question "What do you want?" I sneer glad my voice sounds slightly more normal.

"What are you doing?" you repeat. I close my eyes "none of your damn business Potter" I sigh really not in the mood for our usual fighting as sudden exhaustion hits me hard. I force it out of my mind though and open my eyes. "Are you alright?" you ask. I can't help but roll my eyes "fucking brilliant" I hiss highly annoyed. I swear inwardly… how did I let this happen? I was becoming careless and I silently curse that it had to be you of all people who found out. "Malfoy…" you soft voice reaches my ears and I sigh "Why don't you tell somebody?" you ask. My head snaps up, you know? I hide my initial surprise and fear though and sneer "Tell what?" I ask mockingly.

Now it's your turn to sigh "I was taking a walk last night, near the lake…". I turn away "Spying on me now Potter?" I smirk trying to divert the attention but you would have none of it "Don't flatter yourself" you return the smirk "How's your back?"

"Fine" I answer curtly the earlier exhaustion revisiting. I lean against the basin closing my eyes trying very hard to keep up the walls I had so carefully build up over the years since now I find them wavering. I'm just too fucking tired to really care. I need to get the hell out of here so I move to leave the room. You grab my shoulder "Draco…" you voice is almost pleading. I whip around about to wring myself from your grasp but you voice stops me "What the hell do you want Potter?" I repeat myself sighing rubbing my temples… my head is still pounding from where I hit the floor last night. You shake your head "I want to help…" I can't help but chuckle bitterly at this "And why's that?" I smirk... well excuse me for being skeptical. No-one has ever helped me before, and now Potter… of all people… is offering his help?

You shrugg "it's what I do" you smile slightly. I look up and huff "Don't remember asking for your help Potter". You shrug once more "don't need to ask… it's obvious you need it". I now feel my hands ball into fists "I most certainly do not!" I almost yell "I'm fine". You raise your eyebrows "Really? Are you?" you ask while reaching out and pressing your hand on my back. I yelp in surprise jumping away from your touch. Again I curse my weakness "Not the worst I've had believe me. Now if you will excuse me I have to get back" I sigh. You shake your head "Don't even think about it" your voice is determined "How long has this been happening?"

I close my eyes, I really do not want to talk about this…. "Potter just forget what you saw" I order glad to find my voice strong and commanding. You now growl a little in frustration "Does he come here often?" another question I really don't want to answer. "Fuck Potter, just get of my back" I swear hoping it will push the raven-haired away. You look at me in defiance "No" it's a simple statement. I close my eyes "Potter…" I'm surprised to hear my voice now near pleading as my eyes begin to blur. I angrily bite back the unshed tears, I absolutely refuse to let my nemeses have the satisfaction of seeing me like that.

Your eyes bore into mine questionably, signaling you did notice. I turn my head away once more cursing myself before yanking from you grip. You allow it for now "Draco… you need to talk about this…" you say softly still blocking my path out of the room and it is making me highly uncomfortable. And when did you decide it was oke to use my first name? "What the hell do you even care!" I hear myself snap. I know very well that you hate me. Is that why you wont just leave me be? As payback for everything I've done over the past 4 years? "Cause I'm human" you counter as I turn my head back "looking for leverage then?" I conclud with a bitter smirk. I see the puzzled expression on you face "It has got nothing to do with that" you reply now raising your voice a little, I am wearing out your patience and it shows. I don't really care though and smirk running a hand through my blond hair "What the hell do you want from me?" I ask exasperated, not like it matters, I know you won't give up until you get what you came in here for and pretty soon I'm going to have to give in and admit defeat if I'm ever to get out of here. Damn you and your stubbornness.

alright... so here it is! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks for reading anyway... Leave a review please, I'm desperate...!!


	3. Chapter 3

_**Speckled girl**__**: thanks you so much well here is more! **__**Dezra**__**: Thank you for that feedback... I've tried to keep that in mind this chapter... I'm sorry it was like this... I hadn't even noticed... (I know.. I'm horrible...) hope you enjoy this chapter! SwarmOfFanGirls: thank you again for you review! I'm glad you enjoy it... Don't worry... there'll be talking between D and H soon ... **_

_**Well onto the new chapter people... enjoy! **_

I growl in frustration. Damn you and your stubbornness I sigh "I want you to answer my questions at least…" I reply. I don't mean for my voice to come out this… harsh but the slytherin just drained the last ounce of my patience. You ball your fists aggravated and I hear you sigh heavily in defeat "What does it matter Potter" the question is soft "It's not like there is something you can do" this is final, the of discussion.

Well not for me as I shake my head "Maybe not, but you can't just pretend it isn't happening" I try again. This is going nowhere "What do you want me say?" you growl bitterly "It's just the way thing are, that isn't going to change". I take a deep breath… this is going to be harder then I thought "When did it start?" I ask as a way to get you I watch your reaction. It seems like you're one second away from stomping your feet and whine childishly and despite everything I can't help but to have to try hard to keep from smiling a little. You seem to change your mind though giving in "Ever since I can remember" you voice is flat, tired and soft. I frown "What did he do?" I ask curiosity getting the better of me.

You close you eyes "You don't want to know" you say again turning your head. "I do" I counter although I wonder if I am telling the truth. You simply shake your head "Just leave me alone" you plead again "There is nothing you can do so just spare me you freaking pity" this came strong and cold. I sigh "This isn't pity… it's compassion" I reply fiercly. You smirk "What is the difference?"

I close my eyes "I'm just trying to help" I say my voice frantic. How strange that after years of hate I'm now driven to wanting to help you. You give me a blank look before leaning your head back against the wall exhausted. I can hardly believe how you've changed from when I saw you at diner tonight. I now realize that your hard cold icy manner was just a mask.

You're one hell of an actor having been able to fool everyone for so long. "I don't fucking need anyone's help" you hiss angrily before pushing yourself from the wall shoving past me "Just leave me alone!" you order while you go for the door and head out back to the dungeons… I shake my head still trying to wrap my mind around what had happened. I sigh… well fine you don't want my help? I sure as hell ain't going to worry about it then. I take a deep breath before heading out the door as well and back to bed.

xxxxxxx

I practically ran towards the Slytherin common-room and up to my dorm where I let myself fall on my bed the curtains drawn closed around me. I do a silencing spell before I hide my face into my pillow where I cry… God fucking damned, I haven't cried in almost 10 years and I hate that I now seem to not be able to fight the tears.

This is just pathetic. I try and stop my childish sobbing as I hear my father's cold demanding voice in my head. _"You better no cry boy, Malfoys never cry, it's chidish and foolish"_. I sniff as I bite my lip and eventually succeed in willing the tears away. I take the silencing spell of, curl myself in a ball and close my eyes drifting of in a restless sleep.

A few hours later I almost jump out of my skin as I feel a hand on my shoulder shaking me awake. I shoot upright and look into the worried face of my potions professor "Mr. Malfoy…" he asks "Everything alright?" I frown instinctively nodding my head "Fine… just uum a dream… I guess…" I respond quickly. I know he doesn't believe me but he let's it go for now.

Sevvy has some idea of what goes on back home, although he can't be sure. He knows my father well and so is aware what a fucked up bastard he is. There is something like concern in his eyes before he rises to his feet "It's time for breakfast, get dressed" he ordered turning around his black cloak following gracefully behind him. I shake my head trying to remove the memories the nightmare had left behind before getting dressed and heading down the great hall for some breakfast.

My table acts as if nothing has happened and I'm grateful. We joke some until it is time for our first lesson. I can't seem to focus though and find myself staring out of the window. "Malfoy-Potter…" I look up as I hear my name and frown, now what? I see Potter walk towards me and take a deep breath. He sits down next to me and I avoid the raven-haired's eyes. "Are you alright" his concerned voice reaches my ears and I growl an affirmative answer as I get up to collect the ingredients we're going to need silently cursing Snape under my breath….

_**Oke.. thanks for reading everyone.. sorry about the shortness... but a friend of mine is staying this week so I won't have much time to write... I promis though.. next week will bring a chapter that will make up for this... **__**I hope anyway.. **_

_**thanks all again xxx**_

_**love malou**_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Xsecretwriter:_****_ Thank you... I'm glad you like it _**

**_SwarmOfFanGirls:_****_ as always thanks for you lovely review... _**

**_Oke sorry for the delay you all... but my friend stayed a little longer then I expected and then my sister came to visit and it was all a bit hectic. I'm back now and I hope this longish chapter somehow makes up for the wait a little... sooo here it goes, have fun you guys..._**

Were you born with that growl or was it taught over the years? I can't quit figure you out. I see you're on your way back and quickly light the fire underneath the cauldron. You sit back down placing the ingredients on the table. I silently grab some preparing them for the potion we were supposed to make. You watch for a minute before your hand gently pushes mine away and you correct the mistake I was about to made. Where you normally would make a big deal about what a looser I am that I can't even get together a simple potion, this incident goes by uncommented. You just continue with the potion seeming not to notice my stare and intend on avoiding any sort of conversation. At the end of class we put our potion with the rest and you join up with your friend laughing and joking while I meet up with Hermiony and Ron "you survived" Ron only half jokes.

The next few days go by without much of fuss. We have a lot of homework and school plus my friends and quiditch take up most of my time. There is a big match between both our houses in a few days and we spent a lot of time training. I do worry sometimes when I see you around school. Have you cut yourself again? Probably… it's a very addictive habit. It's the night before the game and at diner you again barely eat. I wonder what's wrong but don't get much chance to think about this as Hermiony asks me a question. I glance over at you one last time before turning to my bushy-haired friend and answer.

The next night as the game is about to start I notice your unease, no matter how hard you try to hide it. I see your hand tremble ever so slightly as you grab your broom and you gaze wanders to the crowd. I see your father sitting next to professor Snape and frown. I see you sigh but it's not long till the match is in full swing and I'm caught up in trying to catch the snitch. Your job as well. You shoot by me in the race for the snitch but in your haste you miss it by just a centimeter and I'm able to catch it instead. We won… I'm excited as we dismount our brooms and I'm practically jumped by my teammates. Your team scowls annoyed and you sneer at us. To me though, it's not convincing as your father stands with Snape discussing something. For the first time I feel bad for winning. I watch you but you just hang with you teammates and friends.

xxxxxx

I am so relieved when class is over and I'm glad it went by without much fuss. The next few days things seem to revert back to normal and I'm grateful for the schoolwork and quiditch practice to keep me level and sane. I notice your stares and worried looks as we pass each-other in the hallways, but I refuse to do something about them. I convince myself I don't need your pity nor want your help. I've been alone all my life, without help, why would I need any now?

Then the match begins and before we mount our broom I scan the crowd as they cheer and yell. I completely freeze as I see my uncle sitting with my father… what is he doing here? I swallow the lump in my throat. This is supposed to be my sanctuary, my safe haven… and now he is here - again -? This just wasn't fair. As if I haven't got enough trouble to cover things up when I return from a holiday, he is going to make this even more difficult.

I had kept my external shell though as the good little boy I am, and was grateful no-one seemed to have noticed… except for you, fucking Harry bloody Potter. I growl slightly shaking my head… did you have to stick your nose into everything? We mount our broom and I just pray to whomever will listen that we will win. I give my father one last glance and then I'm off. High-speed, I've quickly spotted the snitch and rush of after it. I nearly catch it when I realize I'm to fast and can't quit get my hand around it. I curse and just pray for another chance. Not a minute later however you've caught the golden ball and the game is over.

We dismount my team joining me at my side disappointed. I catch a glimpse of my father's disapproving face and sigh… there'll be hell to pay later. I smile as Goyle sais something that is supposed to be funny but I'm unable to get the old man out of my mind. We head to the Slytherin common room and chatter amongst each-other. I'm with Crabbe and Goyle laughing when the portrait swings open. I look up in eyes so much like my own "Draco, follow me" came the dreaded demand. I sigh "yes father" I reply haughty as I follow the older man out the door.

The walk is silent until we come in a deserted part of the castle "What is it father?" I ask as we stop. He turns to me, eyes eerie calm as he backhands me across the face "How often must I tell you? Don't speak unless spoken too" he hissed. I smirk inwardly "I apologize" I whisper hanging my head my blond hair falling in my face. Malfoy senior smirks "now explain yourself" he orders "You lost, once again". I suck in a breath "I'll do better next time…" I promise knowing there is nothing I can do or say that will stop whatever is coming.

My father stepped closer to me threateningly his hands balled into fists "Well.. let's make sure of that now, shall we?" the man sneered bringing his fist down in my stomach and I stager back into the wall doubling over but I keep my expression blank, just the way I've been taught. My father brings his cane down on my shoulder as I double over. I swallow and clench my jaw but don't make a sound my eyes only showing indigence. "You're nothing but a little worthless whore…" he hissed near my ear "And that's all you'll ever be good for" I cringe at the harsh words trying very hard to not let them effect me, but I couldn't help it. It is not long after I'm left bleeding on the floor again "Be grateful that you got of this easy" he sneered looking down at me with such disgust that is makes my stomach twist and turn. He was right, of course but, after all these years, I'm well aware of what a 'disgrace I am. Why does he have to keep telling me what I already know?

The cane came down again but I barely even notice anymore my eyes fixed on my father's. I see the coldness in them that I see in my own. I just hope it's not to late for me yet. I climb to my feet as he conceals my new wounds before he walks away. I straighten my back groaning. The wounds for our last encounter hadn't properly healed yet. I grit my teeth swallow and walk back to the common room where Crabbe and Goyle are waiting for me like the good little lapdogs they are. I ignore their questions as I'm tired and just want to go to bed. They exchange a glance but shrug and go to bed as well.

The next morning I'm late and so I skip breakfast, I'm not hungry anyway. On my way to class I feel a strong hand on my shoulder and every muscle in my body tenses when I'm pulled into an empty classroom. I'm pushed in a chair and can just barely suppress a yelped of pain. I look up into green eyes and frown "What the hell are you doing?" I hiss my anger rising. You just give me a look "How bad is it?" you ask concern in your voice. I sigh in defeat "It's fine Potter" I growl. You look me up and down "Maybe you should see Madame Pomfrey?" you suggest. I shake my head "And tell her …?" I question with a smirk. You sigh heavily "What about the truth?" you simply state. I shake my head "You still don't get it do you?" I hiss "Do you have any idea what he'd do if he found out I blabbed?" I let that linger for a minute.

You grumble frustrated "Stand up to him" you sigh and I snigger "you think I haven't tried Potter? Why do you think I haven't told anyone? My father is a very powerful man, with even more powerful friends, nobody crosses him and get's away with it" I run a hand through my hair leaning my head back I'm just so tired of this and you meddling in my affairs isn't making things any easier.

xxxxxxx

"How bad are you hurt" I ask as I watch your exhausted form, head leant back. I wonder what your father did last night. You look up shaking my head "It's no big deal Potter" you sneer and I shake my head "Either you show me, or I'm personally taking that robe of" I warn and you quickly lift your head alarmed as you rise to your feet "Fuck of" you hiss and are about to push passed me. I grab you by your wrist though and spin you around "Just let me see" I practically beg, unsure why I'm so desperate. You sigh about to sneer something but you then hang your head realizing you're in no position to resist or demand anything. You slowly take of your robe and shirt and you mutter an uncover spell and the marks from when I saw you at the lake appeared. There's a new bruise on you stomach and a snake-like bruises on you shoulder and back. Thank haavens that's all since I'm sure the wounds from the time before must still be hurting like hell.

"We're going to be late for class" you say flatly putting you shirt and cloak back on. I glance at the large clock in the hall and nod as we move out of the room. The hallway is deserted as most students are in their respective class-rooms already. Before we enter I watch amazed as you, without trouble, put you mask back in place and slip on your trademark smirk as we slip into class and sit down at our tables. Ron gives me a questionably look but it's not long till class starts.

I'm glad when the school-day is over and I can hang and relax with Ron and Hermiony for a bit that is until Hermiony thinks it's time for me and Ron to do our homework. I swear that girl doesn't think of anything else then school. It makes me smile though since it is always just nice to know someone cares. She helps us though and luckily it doesn't take too long.

At diner you keep to yourself and you hardly say a word although I'm sure Crabbe and Goyle babble enough for the three of you. I just am at a loss of how to help you but damned I'm not giving up. If something isn't done soon, you're gonna end up dead. I look at my two friends but know they can't nor would want to help. I sigh inwardly… what am I to do? I can't take on Lucius by myself, can I? You make your way out of the great hall alone and I shake my head, you're starting to loose it… I wonder why now though, is it because you secret is out? I wonder if I should follow? Maybe you need to vent? I excuse myself and head of after you.

I find you in a nearby bathroom. I make enough noise upon entering as to not scare you. You're staring into a mirror your eyes blank. You sigh as you slowly turn around to face me "What is it now Potter?" you ask annoyed to be caught of-guard once again. I simply shrug "Wanted to see if you were alright…" I explain just then realizing how lame that sounded. "Bloody perfect" you smirk without humor. I now notice the small dagger in your hands "Draco" I say softly, reaching out my hand to take the small weapon. You quickly pull away though "Don't" I plead softly but you just turn your head you fingers lightly trailing the beautiful silver handle like it's a lifeline.

I take a deep breath "You're going to kill yourself one of these days…" I say softly and you look at me with brimming eyes "And the bad would be?" you ask and fear envelopes my heart but I don't press the matter, not yet. "So, do you know if he is coming back any time soon?" I ask. You shake your head "I really hope not" you sigh "I wonder what he and Sev had to discuss" you wonder absent-mindly. Worry in your eyes. I shrug "Beats me" I say "Maybe he just wanted another excuse to get to you" I offer. You look thoughtful "Maybe…" you then agree "I'm sorry…" I offer lamely. You give a small smile shaking you head "Not your fault Harry…" you reply and I'm almost blown away, did I hear that right? Did you really call me Harry or did my ears deceive me? You turn your head once more "Can you please leave?" you ask softly still twiddling the dagger between your fingers. I sigh "Draco…" but I then think better of it, we've come far tonight, and I don't want to push you away by pressuring you. I nod and walk out the restroom. At the door I glance over my should "be careful" I whisper before I walk out the door.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Did I really just say Harry? Why? I grit my teeth… I'm loosing it. "Can you please leave?" I ask. I just need to be alone. "Draco…" you start but don't finish. Then you turn and walk towards the door "Be careful" you say so soft that I almost missed it and it bring a lump in my throat, no-one's ever been concerned for me. I nod, I don't really want to. When I said 'and the bad would be' I meant it. I'm just so sick and tired of this and death would bring such release. I sigh as I watch you leave. I look at myself in the mirror the knife slicing across my skin drawing my own blood once again. I'd picked up this habit a few years ago and it once again proved I was my own worst enemy.

About an hour later I was back in the common room finishing my homework. I don't even know why I'm bothering… It's not like it's ever good enough, not with the fucking Granger around. I shake my head but do the work anyway. As I know either Crabbe or Goyle is going to need me explaining it to them. I finish quickly and start reading a book while the others around me talk about one thing or another. Somehow I can't seem to care. As predicted Vincent and Creg find me and they have a few questions about their work and so my day ends by playing a freaking tuteror….

**_Thanks you for reading everybody... I hope you liked it. Ooh... let me know of you want shorter, more frequent chapters, or longer ones with a bit of wait between the up dates... _**

**_love _**

**_xxx Malou_**


	5. Chapter 5

_**hey ya peops... sorry it took so long... but I've been feeling really bloody awfel (I think it's the flew or something) and I appologise for the shortness, lamenes and possible cheesiness of this chapter... hope it's not too bad...**_

_**Eveyxthexfaerie:**__** I most certainly will do my very best... glad you like it and thanks for your revriew! **_

_**xsecretwriter:**__** I'll have more time to write now (since I'm slowly starting to feel a little better) so I hope that will be possible... Thanks for your review!**_

_**SwarmOfFanGirls:**__** All right... I'll try and see what I can do... thanks for the great review again!**_

_**speckled girl:**__** Thanks hun.. I'm glad you like that... don't you think it's getting a little boring just the two of them? I mean... maybe I should put in some other points of views? (you'all input is grately apreciated!)**_

_**Well on with the new chapter! Hope it's alright... **_

The next morning, as I sit at breakfast, I glance over at the Slytherin table hoping to see a blond head. I'm relieved when I spot you, staring at your plate just playing with the food on it. I hope you didn't hurt yourself too much last night. I sigh… I've been wrecking my brain all night again to try and find a way to help you, but so far come up blank. I hate this, feeling so powerless. Well.. at least your father's gone, so that gives me some time. You catch my look and give me the slightest smile unnoticeable by anyone but me. I return the smile and turn back to my food. During classes things stay the same. You hang with your 'bodyguards' and I hang with my friends. I really whish I could tell them. Make them understand. But I can't betray your trust like that.

That night I walk around the castle, once more unable to sleep. I secretly hope that you're having trouble sleeping as well and I that I might run into you. I enter the astronomy tower where I sit at a windowsill staring outside. I notice you standing on the balcony, leaning against the railing. The moonlight catches your silver hair and pale skin. You're staring of into the distance with such an empty expression that it almost scares me… I take of my cloak so you can see me and go to stand beside you. You don't move or acknowledge my presence any other way for a few minutes. Then you slowly turn your head "What are you doing here?" you ask softly turning your head back towards the stars. I shrug "Just went for a walk, couldn't sleep" I explain watching you as you simply nod "How are you doing?" I ask once again and I hear you sigh exasperated "Fine Potter" you growl.

I sigh "Draco… you're not, some of the wounds from the lake haven't even healed yet" I counter remembering what I saw yesterday. You just shake your head "I'll live" you say with such sadness. I swallow "Don't…" I almost plead. You turn you head looking me straight in the eyes "Give me one good reason?" the question comes hard. "I can help you" I say meekly. You shake your head "No Potter, no-one can help me" you counter bitterly "Get that through that thick head of yours" there's real venom in this and I close my eyes this is just so frustrating. Are you ever going to let me in?

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I stare up at the stars, I couldn't sleep. It's peaceful here and a soft night breeze blows through my hair and moonlight shines down on me. I then feel a presence beside me and sigh Potter, I know immediately. Why can't you just leave me alone? I don't move for a few minutes before turning my head "What are you doing?" I ask my voice soft looking at the stars again. I hardly even listen to your answer, I don't really care, I just want you to leave. "How are you doing?" you ask and I growl frustrated. How many times are you going to ask me that? "Fine" I reply. "Draco… you're not, some of the wounds from the lake haven't even healed yet" you counter. I shake my head, I don't need this right now… my father always lets it hurt as long as he thinks necessary "I'll live" I say. I didn't mean for it to come out so… bitter.

"Don't" I hear your pleading and I almost burst out laughing. Who'd have though, my greatest enemy begging me not to kill myself. I look you straight in the eyes "Give me one good reason?" I ask harshly. I'm getting really annoyed with this, can't you take a hint? "I can help you" I hear you say and I can barely keep myself from bursting out laughing "No-one can help me potter" I tell you venomously. I just need for you to stay out of the way. Don't you realize how much my father would like to hand you over to 'our master?' and you hanging around me al the time is only going to make that easier. You look at me your green eyes glinting "Come on Draco, you can at least talk to me…" you plead and I bring my fist down on the railing, hard,

I really thought I'd made myself perfectly clear "There's nothing to talk about" I hiss "You already know much more then you should" I say while I sit down my back against the castle wall ignoring the pain it causes my still aching wounds. You come and sit beside me "Then it doesn't matter if I know everything" you conclude. I glance over "Why won't you just leave me alone?" I ask softly. I just want things to go back to normal but somehow I think you're not going to let that happen. I lean my head against the wall "You've been left alone for long enough now" you reply while I close my eyes "I've been doing fine so far" I snap. You shake your head "Right.. one of these days he's going to kill you, and if he doesn't you'll do the job for him" you sigh. I smirk "Well then you wont have anything to worry about anymore" I state bitterly. You just frown "Don't talk like that" you scold me and I raise my eyebrow "Look Potter, do us both a favor and stay out of this" I try once again "It would be hazarders for both of us if you didn't" I warn. But you, always the damn Gryffindor, shake your head "Draco, I've already told you I'm going to help you, and I'm not about to give up" you tell me.

"Are you ever going to realize you can't help me?" I wonder out-loud. You just sigh and shrugged

"We'll see" you say when I leant my head against the wall again "I just…" I start but there's a lump in my throat again. Damn my fucking weakness. You just look at me "It's going to be alright" you tell me but I was unsure who you were trying to convince. I just close my eyes and it isn't long until I feel myself start to slumber. I'm just so tired... You must have noticed too as you put a hand on my knee "Draco…" you whisper after what seems like minute and it seems to come from far away. "Hmmm?" I mumble. Just resting my eyes… "We should go back to the dormitories" you suggest. "Hmm.." I respond, my minds seems to be filled with little clouds and it's having trouble making sense of your words.

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I'm not even sure who I'm trying to convince, me or you. I turn to look at you but you have your eyes closed and a peaceful look on you face and I realize you are about to fall asleep. I can however not bare to wake you, not yet anyway. I watch your face as it was bathed in moonlight. Your skin so pale and your hair seemingly silver. We stay like this for about an hour before I put a hand on your knee. It's getting cold and I don't want you to get ill or catch a cold "Draco" I whisper but just get a sleepy response. I smile slightly "We should go back to the dormitories" I add and receive another drowsy "Hmmm" as only reply. I smile "Draco" I say a little louder shaking you a little. You grumble and reluctantly open your eyes "What…?" you snap sleep evident in your eyes and voice.

"We should go to bed" I repeat rising to my feet holding out a hand to help you up. You stare at it for a while before deciding to take it and you haul yourself to your feet. We make our way down the tower "You going to make it to your room alright?" I ask teasingly. You just give me a sneer "Funny Potter" you smirk "I'll be fine" you huff as you turn the corner towards the dungeons but I see a hint of a smile. I shake my head as I make my way to my own bed. I just hope I can keep my promises. It didn't take long however for me to fall into a dreamless sleep.

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I'm cold as we make our way through the castle as I sneer at you but can't help but smile a little. I'm glad when I arrive in my dormitory and collapse on my bed crawling under my covers. The next morning I feel yet again a hand on my shoulder and I grumble really not ready to wake up yet. I open my eyes and look at a scared looking Crabbe. My morning-temper is legendary. I really can't help it, I'm just not a morning person. I growl "What?" I hiss while turning my back on my fat lackey. He looks at me "It's almost time for breakfast" he sais softly. I sigh "I'll meet you there" I groan. He looks torn. Really can't they do anything without me?

I roll my eyes getting up out of bed "Alright alright" I sigh "Give me a few minutes" I grab my cloths and wand disappearing into the bathroom, where with the help of magic I come out 5 minutes later, spotless and neat. Hair pulled back "Let's go" I order Crabbe and Goyle who have been waiting for me. We make our way to the great-hall where they tuck into their food. I don't really have much apatite but force myself to at least eat a sandwich since I spot Snape glancing in my direction and I don't want to draw any more attention. I sigh can things get any worse? I run my hand through my hair while turning back to Goyle as he asks something about McGonagall's homework. I sigh and try to explain. Some other fifth years listen intently. I sigh… honestly do I go to schools with morons? I glance over at the Gryffindor table and see Cranger patiently talk to Potter, Weasley and Longbottem. Probably explaining homework as well. It's time for class and god will I be glad when this day's over….

_**alright... that's it for now... thank you all again for reading! **_

_**love you all**_

_**xxxx malou**_


	6. Chapter 6

**hey hey I'm back.. I'm sooooo sorry it took me so long to up date... but a lot of shitty things been happening (my aunt got diagnosed with lungcancer for one thing) and I spent a lot of time at home trying to help the best I can... Then I got ill (grr...) but I'm back and better (I hope) I appologize if this chappy is a bit sucky but I just have a lot of things on my mind... please bare with me and I hope you still enjoy reading it!**

**GrlWithoutAName:**** you mean in the first chapter? Harry is just thinking about what he's witnessed trying to order his thoughts... if that makes any sort of sense...**

**speckled girl:**** thank you soo much I'm glad you like it! **

**SwarmOfFanGirls:**** keep reading and find out ;) lol... who knows... glad you like it though!**

**Eveyxthexfaerie:**** I'm trying... lol thanks though and glad you like it!**

**alright.. on with the show... hope you like it!**

You really think we have no clue do you? I know we're not the smartest, trust me, but keep in mind we've been by your side for years now, even before Hogwarts and we've met Lucius. I mean really.. your father scares the crap out of me, even more then my own and when I saw him in the crowed last night I was scared for you. I wasn't surprised when he came to the common-room demanding you to follow him. I did however think that could be the last time I saw you.

I put a shaky hand on you shoulder. Your morning temper is not something to be taken lightly as we've all learned over the years. I drew the short straw today. You've been different though lately. Quieter, even more withdrawn. I wonder what's happened. Every muscle in your body tense as my hand touches your shoulder but your eyes just flutter open lazily when you growl out a "What?" as you turn your back on me with a sneer. I don't know what it is about it, but it never fails to make me shiver, even though I know I can kick your ass, maybe it's how much it reminds me of your father's. "It's almost time for breakfast" I reply softly you sigh and tell me you'll meet us there. I don't know if I should.

You roll your eyes and get out of bed disappearing into the bathroom. It's not long however when you return and order Goyle and me to follow you. At breakfast I notice you, once again, barely eat. Creg then asks you something about schoolwork and I quickly pay attention, since I'm probably struggling with the subject as well. I see other classmates' heads snap up also trying to catch your explanation. I'm lucky to have you as a friend, or should I say be your lacky? I don't mind. I would have never ever come this far without you so I'm not that bothered being bossed around. Breakfast is over and we head to our class. I just hope classes go by fast today.

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I just wonder how long you can keep it up, this façade. I listen as Hermione explains potions to us. I don't want Snape on my case again and just hope I can do it right. You're explaining something to your table as well. They're all hanging on you're every word. I smile who'd have thought. The Ice-prince a tutor. I now start to understand how Crabbe and Goyle had even managed to not be left behind. I turn back to Hermione who was still explaining potions. She however has noticed my glance and gives me a look that said 'I'll be talking to you later'

Later in the common-room Hermione stood before me "What's going on?" she asks eyeing me with worry. I shake my head "Nothing… why?" I respond innocently. The girl huffed "I know you better then that Harry" she tells me "You've been so preoccupied lately" she says. I sigh "Well Hermione, sometimes being the 'saviour of the wizardian world' isn't all that it's cracked up to be". She raises her eyebrows "Harry, don't take me for a fool" she scolds "It's got something to do with Malfoy hasn't it?" she concludes. Damn her… how come she always sees (through) everything? I sigh "What on earth makes you say that" I try but the blond is to smart for that "When you were late for class yesterday, and entered with Malfoy, the fact that when he left diner early the other day and you just couldn't wait to follow him, and I've seen the glances you give the Slytherin table" she shrugged "I just would want to know why?" she asks.

I shake my head "it's nothing 'mione" I sigh. The girl just looks at me "Harry…" she tries again. "Miony" I start "I can't discuss it, not yet". Her big eyes look up at me and then she shrugs "Alright Harry…" she sighs "Just be careful, you know what he's like". I smile "Don't worry" I assure her "I know what I'm doing". She looks at me a little unsure but nods and sits down on the couch to read a book. I turn back to my homework.

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I wake up, cold sweat dripping down my body and my silk pajama is completely soaked. My eyes dart across the dark room, my heart races and my breath comes out quick and ragged. I take a few deep breaths forcing myself to calm down. I swing my legs from under the blankets and head outside. Luckily no-one's around. I absently wonder around the castle surprised to find myself in front of the Gryffindor tower. I stare at the portrait but turn towards the nearest restroom. I stare in the mirror. My hair had fallen in front of my eyes and looked unkempt. I turn on the cold water letting it fall on my hand and splashing some in my face. I find my hands are still shaky and my breathing still hadn't fully returned back to normal. I take out the little dagger; it never failed to calm me. I'm so enthralled with the small object I don't notice you entering.

I drop to the floor frightened as a hand touches my arm and I crawl into a corner "No… please" I whimper hugging my knees to my chest, resting my head in my arms as I rocked back and forth. That nightmare must have hit me harder then I thought. I'm having trouble to suppress another yelp of fear as strong arm fold themselves around my shoulders taking over my own rocking motion. At first I completely freeze at the touch, but then I hear your soothing voice. I can't remember ever being touched with any sort of care or gentleness before and I look up surprised trying to pull my act together. You smile slightly letting go.

I lean my head against the cool tiled wall "I'm sorry…" I whisper, my voice hoarse. I see your worried stare and sigh "I just… I just had a nightmare" I then finally say slowly rising to my feet shakily, steadying myself on a sink. You look at me with concern but I wave a dismissive hand "Don't Harry…" I plead. I really don't want to talk about this now. You sigh but put your hands up in surrender "Alright alright" you shrug and yawn "you should go back to bed" I smile reassuringly, it only now dawns on me how tired you actually look. I guess the whole 'saviour' thing is getting to you more then I realized and now you're also stuck with my 'problem'. I feel a pang of guilt. I really shouldn't have let you know all these things.

You look me over and frown "Are you sure?" you ask and I nod "Of course. You need you're beauty sleep" I smirk finding a little of the old me. You smile "Yeah well… we can't all be as good-looking as you"

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You seem to tense at this but cover it up with a laugh "You know it Potter" you smile but again I can see it's fake. I briefly wonder what's wrong but when I look at you again and see the steely gaze in your eyes I know I'm not going to get anything out of you tonight. I smile slightly "Okay, night Draco" I say with one last worried glance at you and your dagger. I walk back to the dormitories where, as soon as my head hits the pillow I drift right back to sleep.

The next morning we're having breakfast and my gaze falls on the Slytherin table. You sit quietly and your food is untouched. I then frown as I see Crabbe tab you on the shoulder pointing to your plate. I see you sigh and sneer but then reluctantly put some food in your mouth slowly chewing. I then am even more confused when I see Crabbe and Goyle exchange a - dare I say it - worried glance. I didn't even think that was possible. I sigh things were getting weird. I still can't believe how you've managed to fool everybody.

It's getting cold and I for one am looking forward to this time of year. Ever since I came to Hogwarts Christmas has been a truly joyous time. Hermione regretfully had to return home since her parents would really love for her to spent the holidays with them. I would join Ron and his family at the burrow and was looking forward to it. You, on the other hand, seemed to create even more of a shell. Your defence armour. I just hope it will be enough. The day we all leave though I share a compartment of the train with my friends and we're all so busy planning for all the festivities that I forget all my other thoughts for a moment. I just want to enjoy this time of.

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I glare at Crabbe as he tabs my shoulder but I reluctantly put some food in my mouth. I know I have to eat something if I'm ever going to live through the holidays. I really dread going home. On-top of my father, there's my hysteric mother to deal with. I never knew any better but when I stand in-front of the large doors to Malfoy Manor I think about just running away somewhere… anywhere. I sigh as I push the doors open hoping perhaps my parents had gone out. No such luck as a house-elf takes my winter-robe and my trunk "Master wants to see young Master" he announces frightful. I nod and turn to my father's office knocking on the thick double doors awaiting permission to enter.

Later I'm in my room resting my aching body on the bed when there is a soft pop. An elf sits on my bed "Master Draco" she exclaimed cheerily. I can't help but smile "hello Kyrna" I greet painfully lifting my head. The elf now looks troubled "Master angry again?" she inquired shuddering. I shrug "It's no big deal" I assure her. The small creature perks up again "I help you, wait" she said and then she was gone. Only to come back not a minute later with some food and pumpkin juice.

I can't help but smile slightly "Thank you" I tell her and then she hopped on my bed again putting a cool cloth on my pounding head. I closed my eyes in appreciation "Show Kyrna wounds" the elf asked softly. I sighed but lifted the charm my father had used to cover my wounds. The small creature gasped going to work to clean them gently. I smiled at her thankfully "Young master needs to be more careful around Master" she whispered. She had been with the Malfoy family for quite some time now and had already had many of these 'care-sessions' and she was afraid for the boys life every time she heard Master scream through the thick doors of his office. I lift my head again "It will be fine" I assure her, even though I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince.

A few days after the holidays and I once again lay in bed broken and bruised. I could barely stand and my head was pounding and every time I try to get up I get dizzy and extremely nauseous. I stare at the ceiling. I really just need to get out of the house. I force myself to my feet, took my broom and flew out my small window. I flew around for a while. I really had no idea where to go. I ended up at diagon alley landing softly. I close my eyes as a wave of nausea hit me and I quickly found a corner where I heaved. Nothing but bile came out though since I hadn't eaten today or the day before. There was a soft hand on my shoulder "Draco?" you say worriedly. Cranger and Weasley are there as well. Cranger put a hand to her mouth something like concern in her eyes and Weasly just glares daggers at me. "That rich ass food finally getting to you?" the redhead smirked. I rise to my feet, attitude in place "At least I can afford to eat" I sneer haughty turning towards the redhead, but move to fast and have to grip the wall to keep myself from buckling to my knees.

Weasley frowns and is about to say something when Cranger walks towards me "Malfoy?" she asks tentative "What's wrong?". I look up about to snap something but turn away bending over into the corner heaving again. I growl frustrated, Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. The bushy haired girl turned my face towards her checking me over staring me in the eye "you need medical attention" she stated "you probably have a concussion". I just shake my head "I'm fine Granger" I tell her but have to steady myself against the wall once again. I grunt again in annoyance.

Your arm is locked around my waist as you keep me up right "we need to get you somewhere safe" you state your two friends gaping at you like a fish out of water. I shake my head "I need to get home…" I'm getting desperate. If my father founds out I've gone he'd…. You shake your head "you are not going back there" you say determined. I close my eyes "do you have any idea what would happen if he found out I had gone?" I snapped irritated.

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I had had the best Christmas and was now spending a relaxing day with my friends in diagon alley. We laugh as Ron tells us lively about one of the twin's pranks during a Christmas diner when I see you hunched over in a corner throwing up. I immediately rush to your side. I see the shocked look on my friends faces and then Hermione moved closer to inspect. She thinks it's a concussion and now your wavering on your feet. I put an arm around your waist so you wouldn't fall. I see the emotions race through your eyes normally so well guarded. Hermione must have see it too and I see the wheels in her brain click. She really is too smart for her own good. You however now push away "I need to go" you repeat grabbing your broom and before either of us can say anything you're gone. I watch you leave worriedly and we're left unsure of what just happened. I really wonder if you will survive the last few days of the holiday.

When we board the train back home a few days later I'm relieved to see you enter. You sneer something at Crabbe and Goyle, shove Pansy out of your way and slide into an empty compartment. Ron simply glared but I slipped into the compartment sitting across from you. You had your head leant against the window and your eyes were closed but I knew you weren't asleep "how bad is it?" I ask feeling like I'm stuck in a loop that keeps repeating itself. You slowly open your eyes "it's fi…" but you can't even finish it and stare at the ground muttering a locking spell before uncovering your wounds. I gasp. Literally every inch of your body is covered in cuts, lacerations, snake or hand-like bruises. We really thought you lead the perfect pampered life. Oh how wrong we were "my god Draco, what the hell happened….?" I ask in shock. You sigh "you don't disobey my father" you simply stated "I shouldn't have left….". "You shouldn't have gone back…" I retort. You look up, your silver eyes hard and cold "what do you think he would have done if I did not return home?". "You should tell Dumbledore" I tell you once again and you shake your head "just forget it Potter…" you snap. I sigh. This once again was pointless. I get up while you just stare out the window and I slip out of the compartment in search for my friends.

"Potter" a deep voice from behind me calls and I turn "Crabbe" I frown turning to the bigger boy as he stands before me "you better not open that big mouth of yours" he hisses and I find myself backing up ever so slightly at the fury in the boys eyes "what are you talking about?" I frown. The fat boy raised an eyebrow "I may be thick, but I am a Slytherin" he simply states "and if you think you're going to use this against him, you have another thing coming". I now sigh heavily "I won't, I get it now" I reply softly looking at the floor of the train. Then I look up surprised as something clicks "you know?" I ask confused. The other boy rolls his eyes "what do you think? We've known Draco for years" he huffs "and it's not like we've never met Lucius". I nod in understanding "I took a walk near the lake one night when his father was 'visiting'" I answer the silent question. Crabbe nods before turning to go into the compartment. Our eyes meet for a second a silent vow saying 'we'll help each-other help him' and then he was gone. I found my friends and so the journey back to school had taken a rather strange twist….

**thank you all for reading...**

**Please review? It will help me improve...**


	7. Chapter 7

_**sooo sorry this took soo long and is such utter crap… I've just been soooo busy with Unie, work, fam and friends… Plus a bit of a writers block…**_

_**B00kw0rm92:I was planning on it! hope you keep enjoying the fic!**_

_**ShortMaggot:Thank you soo much.. We're all keeping everything crossed… and I'm glad you love the fic!**_

_**Iko:I'm glad you like the fic.. and yeah.. I know… *looks down ashamed* my spelling is awful… I'm trying to pay more attention… I promise…**_

_**speckled girl:Well.. you'll just have to wait and see won't ya? Mwhaahah…. Thank you for your support!**_

_**SwarmOfFanGirlsThank you … glad you're still enjoying the fic!**_

_**Eveyxthexfaerie'Help Draco Malfoy club' on the way! Lol.. Glad you liked it!**_

_**Tears Like RainSoooo sorry.. yeah.. I did mess that up didn't I? No hard feelings? I'm trying to pay more attention to grammar and spelling… I'm so glad you think my characterization are good… I wasn't too sure myself…**_

_**MagickBeingHey Shan! Thanks for the review … yep it does!**_

_**Song Of EternityThank you.. Fixed the name now… I read both the books and the movie.. I just totally messed it up…. Sooo sorry…**_

_**xlovekillsxmanyxHere's more for ya!**_

_**Well… now for the new chapter…!**_

I once again am reverting back to watching you, hoping your father wouldn't come to the school anytime soon so your injuries get a chance to heal. I wonder why I care, when you won't help yourself. Maybe I should tell Dumbledore? He would know what to do… wouldn't he? I put that idea aside immediately, you'd kill me if you found out I told anyone. I just have to convince you to tell someone. You seem to have reverted back to normal, sneering at anyone in your way, joking around with your cronies. Crabbe and I meet eyes every so often helpless. When tests arrive I head into the library to get some studying done. Hermione already had spent most of the day studying with Ron and me and now was studying back in the common-room when Ron had gotten bored and simply decided to head down to the quidditch pitch. The library is empty since it is rather late. It's empty, except for a blond head that sticks out over a mountain of books. I frown. Malfoy studying? Sure he was top of the class shared or second to Hermione, but I never saw you studying in those years at Hogwarts, it all seemed to come natural.

I hesitantly walk closer and sat down. You are so wrapped up in your studies you don't seem to notice as I sit next to you. I softly clear my throat since I don't want to startle you too much. You look up from your book frowning slightly confused. Then when you realize it's me you sigh slightly but move some books out of the way to make room. I put my books down almost afraid to speak "did he… visit again?" I ask. You simply sigh and look up again "he did" you shrug leaning back in your seat. I sigh "you should tell someone" I try but you shake your head "no-one can know" you insist. This is frustrating. How can I help someone who won't help themselves? I open a book. I really needed to study if I was going to pass this test. You aren't reading any of the schoolbooks though "shouldn't you be studying arithmancy?" I ask curious. You simply shrug "already done" you answer "my father requested I read this". I shake my head.. yeah, requested my ass… I now do understand why you've been looking so exhausted lately. Even Hermione hadn't looked as tired, but then again, her stakes were less high.

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I raise an eyebrow. What do you care about my 'studies'. I myself couldn't care less. I had beyond prepared for that blasted test though… and was now trying to catch up on some reading my father had ordered me to do. He had always expected me to read the stacks of book he always seemed to have lying around. When I had gone to school he had resorted to simply sending me a few a week. I stifle a yawn but I'm not really successful "you should get some sleep" you tell me and I sigh deeply "don't you think I want to Harry…" I ask closing my eyes "I just can't yet". You nod in understanding. I look up "do you still need to do a lot?" I ask. I really couldn't concentrate anymore and the rest of the damn book would have to wait until tomorrow. You shake your head "just wanted to go over my, or rather.. Hermione's notes one more time" you shrug I nod and leant back in my seat closing my eyes for a moment. You sigh and eventually close the book you were looking over. I smile. Studying wasn't your thing, granted, it wasn't mine either, I mean, usually I didn't even bother, since I knew most of the crap they tried to teach us anyway. I'd get good grades without the hassle of studying, but I knew I had to be better then Hermione this year.

School, quidditch and keeping up with my father's demands was exhausting. You eventually look at me you… "you want to talk?" you ask unsure and I let my eyes meet yours "what is there to talk about?" I sigh softly. You now narrow your eyes "well, there's what your father's doing to you, the you cutting yourself, hell, take your pick" you counter exasperated. I shake my head "I just, I just want to forget it ever happened" I say softly wincing at the utter weak sound that came out of my mouth. You look thoughtful "don't you think it is about time you at least talk about what happens?" you retort soft as well. "What do you want to hear?" I snap "my parents hate me, and for as long as I can remember I've had to fight to survive, had to find a way to outsmart my father" I sigh running a shaky hand through my hair. You stare at the floor "is that what you want to hear?". I really didn't mean for it to come of this harsh… I just really did not feel comfortable discussing this. You shake your head "of course not" you counter "but it is good you're talking". I raise an eyebrow laying my head against the wall. What on earth was I thinking? I should just learn to keep my big mouth shut. I shake my head "I… I don't know" I sigh "I just want to forget about it" I say softly. "But you can't" you simply state and deep down I know you are right. I meet your gaze as you watch me expectantly. I avert my gaze. Why was this so damn hard? "I'm just so tired… and it just.. it won't stop…" I finally say barely above a whisper and it surprises me that you could even hear it. You swallow, I guess you really don't know how to handle this. Have those muggles you live with done the same? I don't think so since I can find no indication. I had however heard they are not all that fond of our 'dear saviour'. I have to admit that did confuse me, I suppose people are just frightened of what they do not know.

You eventually look up "what you are doing though, is not going to help" you say softly and I didn't even have to ask what you were talking about. I stare at the floor "it… it helps.." I state lamely. I know this didn't make sense to you, but it was the truth. It calmed me down and hell it just felt good to be in control over my own body for once. I know it sounds crazy, but hell, I'm the first to admit I'm a total 'wackjob' is the professional term I think muggles use and I was well aware of it. "Draco… one of these days it's going… it's going to kill you" you sigh. I raise an eyebrow "if only" I mutter and you sigh deeply "come on Draco.. " you say almost near pleading and I wonder whether that is to ease your own guilt or if you really meant it. Who knew? And I for one don't really care.

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I wonder what's going through you're mind right now. I really can't tell. You are so damn good at hiding everything, how the hell am I suppose to help you? I sigh inwardly. What had I gotten myself into. You sigh "don't worry Potter, just forget you ever saw anything". Are you for real? How do you expect me to just turn away? Somehow it then dawns on me just how much growing up with that family must have effected you. I shake my head "Draco, I can't just.. pretend I don't know" I try and make you understand. Not all people are like that. Truth is, before I started Hogwarts, I too had not held to much belief in humanity. Staying with relatives that despise you will do that. When I met Hagrid, Ron and his family and Hermione though, I realized that wasn't the case. I suppose you have didn't have that luxury, and well, I suppose your situation is quit a bit worse that mine ever was.

You're silver eyes lock on mine for a split second, and even though very well hidden, behind the hatred, frustration, pain and anger, there is something like desperation, exhaustion. Truthfully, I'm scared for you. Talk of death may now still simply be talk, but who know before you will really see no other option? How long until the amazing strength you must possess is completely drained? I couldn't tell. Maybe I should just drop this. We were both tired, and well it was starting to get rather late. I rise to my feet stretching slightly "I'm going to go get some sleep" I announce and you nod in agreement. You get up as well and we leave the empty library. When we part ways at the end of the corridor we say our goodbyes.

When I enter the common-room Hermione is on the couch in front of the fire, with a, it was to be expected, book. Had she been waiting for me? I smile sitting down beside her, It take a few moments for her to realize she had company and then she put the book away. "Harry" she smiled "where have you been?" she the frowned catching a glimpse of the clock. She had completely lost track of time. I smile "at the library" I replied returning the notes to their rightful owner. The brunette nodded "you prepared for the test?" she asked like a concerned mother might have and I smile "yes 'Mione, I think so" I nod. She returns the smile "good" she comments before yawning. I'm going to turn in though, good night" she smiled giving me a hug good-night before she disappears up the stairs and it isn't long before I do the same…

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_**Thank you all for reading… Once again I apologize for the suckyness.**_

_**I would really, really appreciate reviews with feedback and maybe with some suggestion with what they'd like to happen in the story?**_

_**Xxxx Malou**_


	8. Chapter 8

**_YES Finally a new chapter!_**

**_I've been swamped with unie, family and other boring stuff… but now it's summer and I have time to write again!_**

**_Sorry if this chapter disappoints and I hope you still like it…_**

**_Now on with the thank yous to my reviewers._**

**_karadragonsflame: hey Kara, thanks for reviewing, and yes know my spelling sucks *hangs head in shame* I'm trying to pay better attention and one of these days I will change all mistakes since it's summer and I have no life… lol… Thanks again and I'm glad you like the story!_**

**_NemoChan320: Well… you'll just have to continue reading to find out what happens… *smiles* I'm really glad you think it's good so far._**

**_xlovekillsxmanyx: No worries love, I'm just glad you like it, and that you got a chance to read it!_**

**_WolfKeeper989: Thanks, glad you think it's interesting… Poor Draco indeed!_**

**_Cathryn: I sure am.. Just sorry it took so long! Thank you sooo very much. I'm just glad you like my writing… *Huge smile*_**

**_Now the new chapter!_**

I enter the dungeons making my way to the bed. I let myself drop on the bed… I was just too tired to do bother changing and I simply kick of my shoes crawling under the covers. As soon as my head hits the pillow I fall into a restless sleep until one of my 'lackeys' woke me up. I paint on my usual façade. There was that blasted test to worry about. I really did not want get up today. I swing my legs out from under the blankets and head down to the bathroom to get ready. Luckily the test would be our first period, and I'd be done with it. We head to the great-hall where we do our usual routine at breakfast before heading to our class where we sit down for the test. I sigh as I look at the questions. Nothing too hard luckily and it didn't take long for me to finish. I go over it a few times adding a few things here and there. When that was over there were the rest of the classes to get through. At the end of the day I settle myself at the lake deep in thought.

I know I would soon have to step into my father's footsteps, and I had never really had any problems with it. it was just the way it is. I know I can do it. The torture, the killing. That wasn't even what bothered me. I just… I don't know, whenever I would watch my father I promised myself I would never ever be like him. When I had come to Hogwarts things had been different. I had started to take out my anger and frustration out on my fellow students, and it had scared me how easily I could do it. How good it felt to have that kind of power. Yeah, that had scared the living daylight out of me at first, but then again, I guess it was inevitable. I am Lucius' son after all, and therefore I suppose it was only a matter of time before I would turn out like him. I sigh as I stare into the rippling water of the lake. I ball my hands into to a tight fist, my nails digging into the skin of my hand until it ruptured. I don't even notice as simply stare of into the distance the dark water inviting. I could just leave this behind forever… I clench my jaw taking a deep breath before rising to my feet and heading back into the castle. I should be getting back to my studies as tonight there was Quidditch practice. I head down to the library and sit down to get the homework out of the way. This was going to be one long day… but at least I'd get a chance to fly tonight. I yawn. I was just so damn tired and it was near impossible for me to focus on the text before me. I stretch and force myself to concentrate. If I got this done before diner, I might even be able to relax a little after practise. I write down the needed answers and jot down some notes. I was pleased when I finished not too long later and make my way towards the Slytherin rooms where my lackey's were waiting for me.

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The test was rather simple. I may not have scored as well as Hermione or you for that matter, but was still confident I had scored rather well. After school Ron and I made our way towards the quidditch fields. We had practice since the Slytherin team had booked the field tonight. I smiled finally I was able to let everything go. When we return from practise we headed to the dining hall to get some diner. Then we headed to the Gryffindor rooms where Ron started on a chess game with George and Fred. Hermione put a hand on my shoulder to get my attention and beckoned me to follow her. I frown but shrug and rose from the couch and did as she asked. The common-room was quiet and we headed to an empty part on the other side. The girl's inquisitive eyes locked themselves on mine "alright Harry, what's the deal with you and Malfoy?" she asked. I sigh shaking my head " 'mione" I plead but she shook her head "No Harry, if something is wrong I think we should know…" I sigh. I know she's right. I owe them that at the least "Hermione… I don't want to discuss it" I tell her. She shook her head "fine" she huffed "You do know we're talking about Malfoy right?" she snapped.

"Mione…" I sigh "Fine… if you must know. A few weeks ago I couldn't sleep and went for a walk with my cloak… there I saw Malfoy with his father…" I see her expression become more and more curious but thankfully she remained silent. I pause before continuing "It would seem he does not have the spoilt pampered little life as we all assumed" I start "his father was beating the living daylight out of him" I then blurt out. She nodded "I assumed as much" she nodded "after the that day in Diagon Alley" she sighed "How is he…?" she asked tentatively. I smile slightly… good ol' Mione… immediately ready to step in and help. I shrug "I don't know… that boy is like a bunker, completely sealed and closed of" I sigh. The girl nodded "Why haven't you spoken to Dumbledore yet?" she questioned. I shook my head "I think it is best not to involve the headmaster" I told her "That would be betraying his trust" I sighed.

Hermione gave me a strange look and she narrowed her eyes "Harry, we have to inform Dumbledore and get him to help Malfoy…" she started but I hold up my hand to stop her. "I'm not going to tell him Hermione" I simply state turning around and walking up to my dorm. I did not mean to be this harsh but I just couldn't break the fragile trust I had just started building between me and the Slytherin in question. I drop to the bed unsure what I should do now.

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At first I was shocked. Malfoy… abused…? It did explain an awful lot though, for instance how he had ended up with a concussion over the winter. I narrow my eyes as Harry made his way up the stairs. What had I said? I was just trying to help. We probably would be unable to really start anything against that blasted Lucius Malfoy. The only one who could really help would be the headmaster. I sigh slightly and head back to Ron and his brother who were goofing around as usual. I needed to think this over. I sigh… I just had not seen this one coming. I sit down looking at the chess-game that was going on between the Weasley brothers. Ron gives me a questioning look "where's Harry?" he asked. I shrug "he went up stairs to finish his homework" I replied as I open the book I had been reading. I was soon completely into the story. I would worry about Malfoy later. I briefly wonder why, after everything that had happened and all Malfoy has put us through, I even cared. But honestly, I suppose nobody deserved this… not even someone like Malfoy. Maybe I should just go and talk to Dumbledore myself?

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I shoot through the air my eyes narrowed in concentration as I chase the snitch my blonde hair whipping around my face. I was in my element. I absolutely loved the feeling of the speed.. the adrenaline and tension. Especially since this was just practise. During a match there would just be so much pressure to win and believe me, that take a lot of fun out of it. That however is a thought for another time and I reach out and snatch the small golden ball out of the air and smile. A personal record. Why couldn't I just play like this during an actual game? Not that it matter. That damn 'perfect Potter' would always just be that one step ahead. Yes, I know it's mean and petty – he's tried to help me these past few weeks after all and honestly it isn't even that I really give a damn about winning or loosing, but trust me, after years of having the importance of winning and being number one screws with ones mind. I step into the shower and let the hot water run over my tired body I smile.

Soon we were back in the common-room and I flop down on the couch and lean back as Crabbe and Goyle sat down in the chairs next to the couch and we discuss unimportant things. Not that I had expected anything different and so for once in a long while I am able to just sit back and well, turn my brain of for a moment. A few hours later and we decide to call it a night and we head to our dorm. I downed one of the dreamless sleep potion I had made over the summer since I was just so unbelievably tired and I just wanted to have one good night sleep. I smirked as I crawl in bed. If Snape only knew. He'd give me a day's lecture on the dangers of the potion and the 'addictive' effects, but really he had no idea how much I just really didn't care.

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I sit down for another class of getting humiliated, snapped and growled at by that dreaded head of Slytherin house. He was now giving the assignment for today and telling us to and I quote 'get our lazy asses of our chairs and get to work' unquote… I shook my head slightly. It wasn't like anything was going to change right? You're getting up to collect the ingredients and I suppose I should do the same if I don't want to risk getting yelled at by the greasy-haired potion-master. I return to my cauldron and start preparing the ingredients and put them into the large kettle. Last night's conversation with Hermione had unsettled me somewhat. I know I had had no right to speak to her like that, but I had already betrayed your trust enough by telling her. I sigh as I watch the bushy haired girl completely absorbed in the potion we're supposed to be making. Suddenly I'm smacked upside the head "Mr. Potter!" came a hiss behind me "pay attention to what it is you're doing unless maybe you're trying to kill us all?" came Snape's mocking voice. I refrain from rolling my eyes and simply shook my head "I'm sorry sir" I mutter as I try and turn my attention back to the potion that was boiling like mad. I quickly turn down the fire and breath a sigh of relief. Okay, so maybe Snape was right and it was better to pay attention.

You're bent over your own potion seemingly oblivious to what had just happened while most of the class had glanced in my direction. The Slytherins for amusement and the Gryffindor in solidarity. The Slytherins watched their 'prince'… maybe waiting for a sign of what to do. I suppose they were taken aback by the lack of action and malice from there leader. Usually you would have made thousands of unholy remarks but you haven't even looked up from your work. Parkinson looks downright dumbfounded and gave her 'lover' a strange look. I smirk inwardly. I've seen the looks you've given her. I suppose you figured it was fun before.. being doted on by someone… but I guess it might have been too fake… or maybe just simply too much of something you never knew… who could tell? She however doesn't seem to have noticed, or is simply ignoring it.

An explosion from Neville's table later the class ended with Snape taking of points from Gryffindor. I sigh as Neville mumbles an apology. We rose to our feet. I see Parkinson wrap her arm around your waist giving you another confused look. You simply give her a shrug and I can hear a "it's nothing sweetheart". The girl simply nodded seemingly to believe you and I smirk… It was almost sad to see how little your supposed friends cared. I guess it made it easier for you to keep it a secret though and maybe that's why you surround yourself with them. Easier to push away…? It wouldn't surprise me. Why do I even care so much? I shake my head. This was going to drive me insane and I have to admit I'm glad that I'm not the only one who knows anymore and I'm at least able to share this secret. I walk beside my two best friends. It wasn't long before Hermione left for the library…

**_Thanks for reading! I'm sorry if the chapter disappointed.._**

**_As always reviews would be much.. much appreciated… they're like food for me…_**

**_*beams*_**

**_Xxxx_**

**_Love Malou_**


	9. Chapter 9

**_Finally another new chapter! Hope you guys like it!_**

**_Thanks to my reviewers!_**

**_WolfKeeper989: * chuckles evily * what will she do indeed?_**

**_tinyBrocks: Really, I'm not sure yet... I'm not a big fan of romance (either slash or otherwise) stories myself * to huge dissapointment to my friends...* I'll just have to see how the story devellops._**

**_Sapphirewood: I am soo glad you enjoyed the story and I hope you keep enojoying it!_**

**_KyuuketsukiNekko: Is it getting too confusing? I'm trying to think of another to make it easier to read... but for now I'll stick to my first format thingy... Thank you so much for reading though!_**

**_Now onto the chapter!_**

I sigh as I glance at the book I was trying to read. I could not concentrate. I write down the last answer of the homework we had been assigned before decided to call it a day. I go outside since Ron and Harry would probably be on the quiddtich field. I head down to the lake where I see I'm apparently not alone. A blond head was bent over a book. I frown. Was Malfoy actually studying? School always seemed to come natural to him, and even though yes, I was number one in our year, he seemed to have no trouble coming in a close second. You're alone what had become more and more common these past few weeks. I sigh, do I dare go over? I took a deep breath and looked around. Luckily it wasn't too crowded. I brace myself and walk over to the tall blond who was still hunched over a book.

"Mind stepping out of my light Granger?" the boy smirked without looking up from his book.

I sigh taking a few steps back so that I wouldn't be in his light. This was going to take a lot of patience... and that certainly was a virtue I had not been dealt. "How's your head" I ask actually surprising myself by the softness of my voice. By the look on his face I even surprised the 'ice-prince' himself as he now bothered to look up "Why Granger, didn't know you cared" he responded sarcasm thick and heavy. I simply shrug "Don't flatter yourself Malfoy" I smirk "I'm just curious, it seemed like a rather bad concussion" I answer. He raised an eyebrow "It's fine" he simply answered. "Uhuh..." I shook my head. I had once contracted a concussion when I fell of a horse and I know how long that could plague someone. "I'm fine Granger" the blond heir responded and I sit down even though I'm not sure that is such a good idea.

"Malfoy… What happened?" I ask. He once again raised an eyebrow as he watched me sit down. "Not that it is any of your business mud-blood" he started and I cringe at the insult. I don't know why, but even after all these years, it still hurts. You seem to notice, but where you would normally have a glint of pleasure in your eyes, they now remain blank and empty. "Potter must be contagious" he smirked "I fell of my broom over the holidays" he replied.

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The girl couldn't hide the hurt that flashed through her eyes. I keep my expression blank. It was also clear she didn't believe my story. She gave me a meaningful glance and I narrow my eyes. Why would she even care?

I see her take a deep breath and I wonder what it could be she wanted. She finally looked up and shook her head "Why don't you go to Dumbledore for help?" she blurted out and my head snapped up narrowing his eyes "What on earth are you talking about?" I frown glad to find my voice had not wavered. "Oh come of is Malfoy" she sighed "I know about you and your father" she huffed "You really should tell Dumbledore. He can help you". I give her an incredulous look "What world are you living in Granger?" I smirk "What do you suggest Dumbledore does?". She returns my look undeterred and defiantly "Sent Lucius to Azkaban" she replied. I snort undignified "For what? The ministry does not concern itself with such trivial matters as to how parents raise their children" I reply harshly. "It's no trivial matter!" she exclaimed and I shake my head. "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one Granger. I don't know how things work in the muggle world, but here it doesn't work like that" I snap annoyed. It was none of her freaking business, and I wish people would just get of my back and leave things be, instead of trying to get involved.

Finally she heaves a big sigh "Well, Malfoy, if you ever need to talk..." her voice trails of. I suppose she doesn't really know what else to say. I simply shrug my shoulders "I'm fine Granger" I insist, although I suppose it is obvious I'm not. It doesn't matter anyway and after a uncomfortable silence she rises to her feet and locks her eyes with mine once more "I'll see you later" her voice comes softly before she finally walks away in the direction of the quidditch pitch. I close my eyes for a moment as I slam the book closed, fold my arms behind my head and lay down in the grass. I'm exhausted and this was one of the few times I was handed to relax. I close my eyes letting the sun stroke my face and felt myself drift of to sleep. There was a hand on my shoulder and I jerk awake glancing around anxiously before locking eyes with my godfather. I sigh annoyed rolling my eyes as he gives me one of his looks.

"Mr. Malfoy, follow me" he ordered rising back to his feet turning around his cloak billowing behind him.

I sigh before shrugging and rising to my feet following the head of my house into his office. I took a deep breath before entering the familiar office. It was large with an massive mahogany desk at one side of the room surrounded by richly filled bookcases. In the middle of the room is a seating area with a big leather couch and two two comfortable matching chairs in front of a great fireplace. He gestures for me to sit and well, like the good little boy I am, I comply. "Going to tell me what I am here for?" I ask my voice, as usual cold and calm. He simply raises an eyebrow holding up a vial "It seems you've taking something of mine" he stated matter-of-factly although I could see the dangerous gleam in his eyes that warned a storm was brewing. "So?" I shrug, not bothered. He sighed crouching before me, his face right in front of mine "I would think you would know better then this Mr. Malfoy" his slow monotone drawl filled the room and I simply roll my eyes "Yes professor" I smirk "It won't happen again" I promise, and I would make sure of that. I had become careless and apparently I really had to shape the hell up.

"You know the dangers behind this potion" he sighed and I let my eyes widen in mock surprise "No... really...?" I gave the sarcastic reply before rising to my feet "Now if that's all" I start towards the door.

"Draco..." he stops me "Is there anything you want to talk to me about?" he asks and I turn my head ever so slightly "Nope Sev, not that I can think of" with this I'm out the door leaving a bewildered potion-master alone. I head down to the Slytherin rooms...

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I make my way over to the quidditch pitch, where as usual Harry and Ron were messing about. I smile watching them up in the air chasing after each-other and the snitch. I shake my head. If only they'd spent as much time and effort in their schoolwork... I knew it was a lost cause though, and as long as they passed their subjects, what did it really matter? I sit down on the grass watching them. They noticed me and waved before flying over to where I was sitting.

"Hey 'Mione" they greeted flopping themselves in the grass beside me and I smile "Hey guys, had a good practice?" I ask and they nodded "Always" Ron smiles nudging the raven-haired who nodded in agreement. He leaned down on his elbows and I'm glad to see he seems able to, if only for a short while, to let everything go. There is always such pressure on Harry that I'm honestly not sure how he does it. I'm glad we can help though. Ron is called over by his brothers. When he left Harry turns to me "Where have you been?" he ask, I suppose to make conversation. "I... spoke with Malfoy" I answer softly. Harry's head snapped up "Why"he demands "Hermione, how could you? Now I have no chance in ever gaining his trust..." he accused. I shake my head "Harry, it's not like I had absolutely no clue as that something was going on, besides, now there two people that can try to help him" I counter getting defensive. I had no idea he cared this much. The boy sighed...

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"I'm sorry Mione" I apologize. I know she was only trying to help. I was just worried it destroy the fragile sort of trust we had build up over the past few weeks. I knew I should not have told Hermione, but what could I do really? I feel bad enough keeping Ron out of the loop. We've been through so much together and it really doesn't feel good to keep a secret from one of my best friends. I don't think Ron would understand though, and you would go completely bazerk were you to find out he knew. I know how you hate weakness, especially anyone seeing yours, and I have to hand it to you, you've done a great job, that is until a few weeks ago. I can see your armor crack and I wonder how long it will be before it will finally completely break and crumble. I sigh turning to my bushy-haired friend.

"I just don't want to loose the slight bit of trust we might have build up..." I try and explain. She nods "I'm sorry Harry" the girl apologized. I shake my head "It's alright" I sigh leaning back on my elbows. It soon became diner-time and we make our way back inside the castle and head down to the great-hall. You enter as well, as always surrounded by the other Slytherins, Pansy's arm snuck around your waist. As we all finish eating your plate is still seemingly untouched. I shook my head as Hermione gives me a quizzical look before following my gaze. She shrugged unnoticed by their red-headed friend.

Later that night I told my friends I was going for a walk. That I needed to to be alone for a bit. I took my invisibility cloak. What should I do? Head into the dungeons and try to sneak into the Slytherin rooms? I seem to remember that your dorm-mates were Crabbe, Goyle and that Zabini boy. Crabbe and Goyle knew about me, and Zabini would probably have snuck of towards one of the girl's dorms. I heard that he was now making his way through the girls in Ravenclaw. I smirk. I had nothing against the dark Italian boy. He had always taken more of a back-seat and well, he really never bothered anyone. I needed to make sure everything was alright... and talk to you about Hermione. I hope you're not mad at me...

I suppose I should also think about bringing some of the news to Ron. If things are as bad as I think they are, it is going to come out sometime anyway. I sigh deeply as I make my way down the stairs and round the familiar corner towards the Slytherin rooms. I press myself against the wall and wait until one of the Slytherins enters through the portrait and quietly, I follow. I look around and it seems the same as I had seen it when Ron and I had changed into Crabbe and Goyle. You're lounging on the couch you're head resting on Parkinson's lap and she is stroking your hair with a slight smile on her face as she starts massaging your head your eyes flutter closed and I suppose you're about to fall asleep, or maybe you have already. Crabbe and Goyle were talking amongst each-other. Some other students were either reading, playing a game, doing some homework or just talking. It was surprisingly similar to our own common-room. I smile slightly as Pansy gently brushed some hair from your face. It seemed so... dare I say it... loving?

I remain silent and simply settle in a dark corner. You've woken up and are now talking with your friends. They decide to call it a night and leave you on your own in the common-room. You glance around as to make sure you're alone before heaving a deep sigh. You rub your eyes and slumb your shoulders before holding out your hand muttering something under your breath as suddenly a bottle flies through the air and lands in one hand, and a book in the other. You run a hand through your hair before conjuring up a glass and filling it. I smirk slightly. How typical. Most people would have simply drank from the bottle, but not a Malfoy. You down another glass before looking directly at me.

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"You can come out now Potter" I smirk. Honestly... I am a slytherin, and you may have fooled me with that poly juice potion that time, but really you're going to have to be more quiet and move with more stealth for me not to have noticed you. You pull of your invisibility cloak and give me a lopsided grin "Evening Malfoy" you greet as you move to the couch and sit down. I shake my head "Still spying on me huh?" I smirk. You shrug "I just wanted to talk to you" you mutter. I raise an eyebrow "I do think you've done enough talking" I comment harshly. I can't help but feel a little hurt. I know I should have known better then to trust someone and so really it hadn't been a surprise when I had found out you had told your friends.

"I'm sorry Draco" you mutter your eyes not meeting mine. "Hermione had already pretty much figured it out and she wouldn't let it go until I told her what was going on" you try and explain.

"It's fine Potter" I sigh. And really, I understood. I know how close the three of you are and I have to admit I used to envy that between the three of you. It was something I have never experienced. I shake my head "Does Weasley know too?" I ask tentatively. You shake your head "No" you replied and I sigh. It would probably not be long before he too would find out. I sigh downing another shot of firewhiskey. Yes, I'm aware how fucking pathetic it is, but give me a break. I just did not want to think about anything tonight, and well, what can I say? It just feels good. You give me a strange look and I raise an eyebrow "Want some Potter?" I ask.

You shake your head. I smirk. What was I expecting really? I suppose inside you will always remain a good-two-shoes. Not that I really care. It just who you and your friends are. To each his own right? I suppose that's also the reason you're here now, trying to help me. I suppress a yawn "How long do you think you can keep this from Weasel?" I smirk shaking my head. You smile shaking your head "Not much longer" you answer and I nod in understanding. We sit in surprisingly comforting silence. It wasn't long before you decide to go back to the Gryffindor tower. I open the book my father had send me and down another shot. One would think studying and drinking wouldn't go together.. and well.. let me confirm. Soon the words became funny gibberish. I shake my head clear, still, and before everything a Malfoy, and drunk or not, they never lost their air and stance. Besides, I had had a bit of practice. I force my way up the stairs to the dorms where I drop on the bed ending yet another 'exciting' day out of what I think muggles called soap-opera that is my life. Strange the things muggles came up with...

_**Thank you all for reading. **_

_**Please, please, please leave a review... **_

_**(not that I'm desperate or anything...)**_


	10. Chapter 10

**_Finally, another chapter!_**

**_A mighty big thank you to my reviewers you're all too kind!_**

**_Wolfkeeper989: I have to say... I love that too yes... I'm leaning more towards doing that. *smiles* hope you enjoy this chapter!_**

**_Sapphirewood: Please be careful! Don't hurt yourself over this fic! *beams* I'm glad you like it! Pease let me know what you think of this one!_**

**_The Phantom Dragon: *cackels evilly* you don't know the half of it! Mwahaha... Glad you like the story!_**

**_Jensmnms: Sorry for the long wait! *blushes* Thank you ever so much, you're too kind!_**

**_Well on with the story!_**

I wake up the next morning and look around my dorm. Blaise had just come back from the shower and Vince was getting dressed. You are still asleep and I could tell that you had been drunk when coming to bed. It happened surprisingly often. I sigh as I get up heading to the bathroom to get ready for a new day. When I return you're still in bed. Vince and I exchanged a look as I bite my bottom lip. If someone didn't wake you soon, you'd really be late for class, and I don't think McGonagall is going to stand for that. Zabini huffed pushing past us "Oh, this is pathetic" he muttered under his breath "I'll do it" he stalked over to the bed grabbing you by the shoulder and pulling the blankets of off you.

"Come on Malfoy" he demanded rather loudly "Rise and shine" he added. There was a loud groan of protest coming from the and I shake my head. Nice one Blaise. The Italian however didn't seem to care and simply continued shaking you. "Zabini, I would stop if I were you, if you want to keep that arm" came a threat by your pillow and I smile as Blaise simply shrugged "Don't want to be late for class now do you?" Blaise said in an overly chipper tone that I knew would irritate you to no end. I can't help but smile again as you slowly turned to the other side now back to us "Just fuck of Zabini" he murmured his eyes closing again. Blaise shook your shoulders once more and I knew this could not end well for the tall Italian. You lift you head ever so slightly "Will you all just go already, I'll be in time for class" you hiss and Blaise held up his hand "Whatever you say Malfoy" he huffed before turning on his heals and heading out the door. Crabbe sent me a look and I simply nod. When you get in one of these moods it was best to just leave you be and so muffled we shrug and down to the great-hall where breakfast was already in full swing.

I catch Potter's look from the other table and I see Vince nod. He had told me that he had had a little chat with Potter, and I had shouted at him for a few good two hours on how he could have done such a thing, but after a while I calmed down and realized the 'boy who live' had figured it out for himself. That must have been so scary for you though. Realizing someone knew of you 'weakness' in Slytherin 99% had been brainwashed and firmly believed that any show of weakness was not to be tolerated and no-one more so then you, the ever proud Malfoy heir. I sit down and simply put some food on my plate. As promised you don't show for breakfast and for a moment I'm scared you'd fallen back asleep and would miss your first few classes but luckily you come walking around the corner just in time with an enormous scowl on your face. I wouldn't want to be in the shoes of the ones that crossed your path today.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My head is pounding and I can vaguely hear someone call out. They're shaking me too and suddenly I'm cold. That could only mean one thing, Zabini. I grumble under my breath annoyed. Did he really haveto yell like that? I suppose now a threat was in order. The boy would not disist however and I now turn my back to them fully intend on going back to sleep. He shook my shoulder again and I lift my head up ever so slightly biting out a "Will you all just go already, I'll be in time for class" I assure them and I see Zabini hold up his hands and he huffed something as he walked out of the room. I don't really give a damn and simply close my eyes for a bit longer. I'm careful not to fall asleep though, since I knew I couldn't miss class. About half an hour later I slowly sit up rubbing my temples before heading down to the bathroom and I take a hot shower before getting dressed and making my way to transfigurations. I sneer at anyone who dares come near me. I join my friends before striding into the room and sit down at my usual table.

Not long after we sat down McGonagall entered and started her lesson. Merlin, did she have to talk that loud? I groan inwardly rubbing my temples as I try and focus on what the head of Gryffindor house is trying to explain. I really am struggling and make a mental note to keep the drinking for the weekends. I couldn't let it interfere with my schoolwork. That would be dangerous besides... I really wanted to for once succeed in something. I grit my teeth and simply jot down notes. Not that I truly think I have a chance, but that is besides the point. When class is finally over Ì heave a sigh of relief. Just five more classes. Our next class is potions and I groan. Usually I loved potion, but the work would normally come down to me, and this morning I was not looking forward that. My friends soon joined me on the way back to the dungeons. I don't really pay any attention to their mindless babbling.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I glance up from my breakfast as your friends enter the great-hall. I frown. Why aren't you there? Is everything alright? Crabbe gives me a reassuring nod and I calm down somewhat. I now also see Hermione tilt her head to scan the Slytherin table. She gave me a quick glance and I nod to assure her everything is fine. I'm Lucky to have found friends like her and Ron. Even though the red-head would at first have a fit and throw a tantrum or two I knew eventually he would come around. She raised an eyebrow and I simply shrug. I don't know where you are. Maybe doing some last minute work? When we reach our first class I see you strut around the corner and I can just tell you're in one hell of a bad mood and smile realising you must not have stopped drinking when I left last night.

Hermione frowned pulling me aside "You went over there last night didn't you?" she asked and I sighed but eventually nodded "Yes, I snuck into the Slytherin rooms" I answer. She sighed deeply and I think she has to try hard to refrain from reprimanding me for unnecessarilybreaking school rules "How was he..?" she asked still tentative. I guess it was still weird to her to be worried about the one that had 'tormented' us for the past few years.

"I don't know" I sigh "I think he was trying to drown his sorrows...". Her eyes widen and she sighed "Well, that would explain this morning" she sighed and I nod "This can't go on for much longer" I mutter under my breath and she gives me a look before nodding "It's a miracle he has done for this long" she sighed and I nod before we head to our next class... potions and I just can't believe Snape could have been completely clueless and if it was possible I hated him even more for not doing anything to stop it. Bloody coward. We sit down and I sent Snape a look of contempt. One to rival his own. I scowl as he drones out today's topic and sums up the ingredients we were going to be using. Hermione is hurriedly scribbling along and I sigh before following her example. It's not like me failing potions will help you any is it? I watch as you calmly prepare your potion, as always perfect and I think this may even be somewhat therapeutic for you. It forces your mind to go elsewhere, and it is one of the few subjects you even better Hermione.

The class is over and Snape calls you over to his desk. What does he want? You simply shrug your shoulders and nod before heading over to the teachers' desk. I make my way out the room and up the stairs, deep in thought. Ron looked at us confused before finally having had enough "Ohke you two" he frowned "What's going on?" he demanded. I raise and eyebrow "What are you on about Ron?" I asked and he shook his head "Don't give me that Harry. First your moping around for weeks and now you too 'Mione" he started "What's going on...?" he asked again. I sigh glancing over at Hermione who sighed "It's up to you Harry, you know what I think" she responded and I am really torn. Eventually I decide that it is best to get Ron in the loop. After all. This was the first time we had ever had secrets for each-other and I really didn't like that feeling one bit. "Ron... It... it's about Malfoy..." I start and explain everything. The red-head gave both of us a dumbfounded look and it was quit a while before he finally spoke "Harry, you are aware we're talking about Malfoy right?" he frowned "Who's to say that he hasn't made the whole thing up?" he commented and I feel my temper rising "I know what I saw Ron" I hiss "And I've been speaking with him regularly for weeks now" I tell him before walking away leaving the redhead to stew in his own juices.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I glance between my two friends and sigh as Harry storms of. I give Ron a withering look "I've spoken with him as well Ron, and he seems genuine" I inform him "Ronald" I sigh "I d think Malfoy needs help". He frowned "Even if, when did that insufferable brat become our problem? Whatever 'daddy dearest' deals out is probably deserved" he scowled. I shook my head "Ronald! How can you say such a thing!" I exclaim "Nobody deserves to be hit with a whip or a concussion". He shook his head "Whatever 'Mione, he did nothing but insult us and tried getting us into trouble. Excuse me for not wanting any part of your pity party" he scowled and I shook my head "Don't you understand that that was his coping mechanism" I retort trying to reach him. Ron clenched his jaw but simply sighed "Fine" he grumbled. The redhead sighed before walking away. "Ron! Where are you going?" I call after him but get no response. I sigh left to my own devices and I'm unsure what I should do? I bite my lip and head down our next class where Harry and Ron were still glaring at each-other. I roll my eyes and am getting rather annoyed. Would my friends ever learn? I guess not.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Mr. Malfoy can I see you for a moment?" I clench my jaw turning around to face my godfather "Of course professor" I simply comply and head down to the front of the class. He turns around to face me and beckons me to sit down. He took a deep breath and I think he's having trouble finding the right words "Draco, what is going on?" he asked and I give him a confused look "What ever are you talking about?" I inquire but he holds up his hand to stop me "Remember Draco, that I've known your father for a long time now" he sighed and I narrow my eyes "Since when do you care anyway?" I snap rising to my feet angrily glaring at the man before me. I know it wasn't completely fair to him, as he had tried and help me over the years, but really, what was suddenly the matter with people? Suddenly everybody 'cared' and wanted to 'help' even though they know very well they can't.

"You know very well I care" he now countered his obsidian eyes boring into mine and I narrow my eyes "Whatever, see you around" and with that I storm out of the room. I really do not need this. I soon reach my class and simply force myself to concentrate on the lesson, and absolutely nothing else. Too soon class was over and the rest of the day passed quickly as well. I head into the library and get down to work... I ignored the exhaustion that was threatening to take over. I close my eyes before finishing the needed work. By the time I had finished my homework it had become diner-time and so I great-hall bound to not arise to much suspicion. I eat my meal and with my mask firmly in place joke around with the rest of my table, who, luckily, seem none the wiser. After diner, I once again head to the library since my father had sent me new books and I really needed to get started on them. An hour or two later and I had finished one of the books. I brush the blond hair from my face and pack away my notes and head outside.

"Come out" I hiss after turning around. A redhead stepped from the shadows "Malfoy" he acknowledged and I tilt my head raising an eyebrow "What do you want Weasel?" I demand my eyes never leaving him. He narrowed his eyes "I want you to stay away from Harry and Hermione" he ordered and I shake my head "They keep bothering me Weasel, I don't come to them" I reply before turning around to continue my way to the lake. He grabbed my arm and I spun around "You really don't want to do that Weasley" I sneered yanking myself free from his grasp "Just stay the hell away from me" I snap infuriated. He shook his head "Oooh no you don't, you're not getting of this easy Malfoy, you're going to tell me what you are up to" he demanded and I raise a mocking eyebrow "Is that so? And how, pray tell were you planning on doing that" I inquire. He clenches his jaw and his hand slips to his wand. I frown about to say something when a voice cut through the air.

"Ronald!" and yes, there she is... little miss know-it-all. The other boy's head snapped up "'Mione.." he breathed "I... I was just..." "Threatening Malfoy" she finished for him and sent him a death-glare. He turned red and started spluttering out excuses. The girl gavehim a furious glare and he immediately snapped his mouth shut. "Impressive Granger" I smirk "Getting him to shut up like that". She now sends me a warning look and I simply hold up my hands in surrender before yawning, turning around and walking away. I feel their eyes bore into my back as I walk away towards the lake...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I had followed Hermione out the door and am greeted by Ron holding on to your arm and reaching for his wand. I see Hermione move forward giving the redhead a glare of epic proportions. I see Ron squirm and sigh joining them "Ron... come on... Malfoy has been through enough" I tell him and he sighed "Fine" he eventually conceded"But I reserve the right to say 'I told you so" he added and Hermione and I smiled shaking our heads "Yes Ron" I smile patting my friend on the arm as he scowled and we watch you stalk away. I'm glad Ron is on board now as well, even if somewhat reluctant. We head back inside and up to our common-room where Hermione settled herself on the couch with a book and Ron and I got into a heated discussion on the best Quidditch strategy to make sure we would once again win the Hogwarts quid-ditch cup. And so ends another day in the castle...

**Thank you all for reading, Please review... I love them... I thrive on them!**

**xxx**

**Malou**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey, I'm back you guys... it's been super hectic at home and university... and then my nan died... *sigh* sorry for the long wait though... **

**and thanks to my reviewers:**

**Sapphirewood: thank you for your support... *blushes* **

**Wolfkeeper989: thanks, I'm so glad you like that.. I like that too... *beam***

**well, on with the story!**

* * *

The next morning we had planned to head down to Hogsmead. I was looking forward to going to the small town and having some time of. Me and my friends soon make our way through the still snow-clad paths that lead into town. We have some shopping to do and I collect a few ingredients I needed for the dreamless-sleep potions that were starting to run out. I gather the things I would need and my friends follow obediently as we sat in the three broomsticks to have a drink. We discuss the last quidditch practice and I know I need to step things up if we were going to stand any chance of finally winning the cup this year. I lean back in my seat content. Things finally seemed to have calmed down, and even though I knew it would not last, I was going to take full advantage of it.

Pansy joined us, practically in my lap... I sigh inwardly. What was this girl's problem? I know we were to marry after school, and I had made peace with that. I didn't believe in love anyway, as the good littly Malfoy I was. Love was for fools, it made one foolish, weak and vulnerable. I also knew she did not love me. We had known each-other practically from birth, and as a child I would come over to her place quit often. It had been one of the few times I was allowed to 'play'. The brunette had even tried to get me to dress up once... She had however not succeded to get me in that dress. I smile inwardly. Things had really changed when we went to Hogwarts. Suddenly she had been all over me... Don't get me wrong, it sure had its advantages... it really did, and I had thought it would be nice... have someone fuss over me for once... The most I had ever gotten before Pansy was a hit, sneer, kick or curse. I hardly ever saw my mother as she had made it perfectly clear that she had never wanted children and that I was nothing more then a major inconvenience. It didn't bother me and I couldn't really blame her. My father had needed an heir, and well, she had had to oblige.

Maybe it was just that. I had never known 'affection' and now that Pansy was clinging to me, I had no idea of how to handle that, and maybe it was just too much of a good thing... who ever knew? My god I'm screwed up aren't I? Well, it wasn't like anybody cared, so why should I? I give Pansy a smile. Its not her fault and I know she is just trying to make the best of it.

* * *

Your blond head is the first thing I see at breakfast the next morning and I'm strangly relieved. Today me and my friends would head down to Hogsmead and just have some fun. We had even been able to convince Hermione to stay the whole day by promissing to do some studying tomorrow. I couldn't wait to see the new things that might be at Quality Quidditch supplies and I'm sure Mione would drag us into the bookstore. I however didn't really mind. I had always been rather fond of reading. I had given me something to do when I'd be locked in my cupboard or room. We have breakfast and slowly we make our way to town chatting amiably amongst ourself. This was going to be a nice day. Ron and I soon make our way towards the quidditch shop and Hermione rolled her eyes but smiled anyway as she followed knowing how important the sport was to us. Besides, even though she is hardly ever found on a broom she really is a decent flyer.

We spent a good while looking at brooms and other accessories, then we move to the town's clothing store. Hey, she was a girl after all... Ron and I are now the ones waiting patiently for her to try on a few new things before settling on a new robe, jeans and a sweater. Then during lunch we went to the three broomsticks. You and your friends were there as well, including Parkinson who was once again clinging to you as if to life itself. I did not understand the nature of you relationship. One moment you seem disgusted by her, but the other night you were laying in her lap. I guess you're simply using her when it suits you. I don't know why she puts up with it though, but really, it is none of my business and as our food arives we talk about the upcoming tests and soon we were engrossed in mindless chatter and we had a nice lunch after which Hermione decided to head down to the bookstore. We part ways and Ron and I make our way to the Quidditch shop once again. There were a few things I would want to have a look at again and the bushy haired girl would be in that bookstore for hours if she could. Ron turned to face me "So... you and Malfoy are friends now?" he asked tentative and I sigh shrugged "I honestly don't know..." and it was the truth. Over the years, I had learned Malfoys don't have friends. They had allies, lackeys and acossites, but never friends "But I can't not even try to help him" I sigh and Ron rolled his eyes but eventually nodded in understanding.

"Just be careful Harry" he warned and I nod "I'm a big boy Ron, I can take care of myself" I smile. He nodded "I know, but I just... I don't trust him..." the redhead commented. I couldn't say I blame my friend. You had really hurt his feelings with all your derissive comments on his family and your families had always had rivalry between them. The redhead sighed "You really saw Lucius hit him a whip?" he asked and I nod in affirmation "Yes Ron, that is really what I saw" I sigh. Ron nodded "Shouldn't we tell someone?" he suggested but I shake my head "No" I simply state "He doesn't want anyone to know" I explain "And I really do not want to betray his trust even further then I already have" I respond. Ron shrugged "I'll do it, I don't have any problems betraying Malfoy's trust". I smile slightly shaking my head "Don't" I tell him "Please". Ron simply rolled his eyes "Let's check out the new brooms aggain" he suggested changing the subject none too subtle. I smile nodding "Yeah" I agree and so we cross the short distance to the Quality Quidditch supplies before meeting up with Hermione and heading back to the castle.

* * *

I walked into the bookstore and started scanning the new titles. Merlin I loved books. I'm so engrossed in the books that I'm not paying attention to what is going on around me, and I almost bump into somone. "Sorry..." I mumble hardly looking away from the nearby stack. "Really Granger, it is not a crime to look at something else then books" a familiar voice cut through the air and my head snapped up "Malfoy" I breathed. The boy had startled me. He raised an eyebrow as he now bent down to pick up some of the book that had fallen after we collided. I bit my bottom lip "I'm sorry..." I mumbled once again as the blond towered over me. He raised his eyebrow "Yes Granger, I heard you the first time" he smirked straightning back up "I am not deaf you know" I smile shaking my head "Yes, Mafloy, I know". I glance around. The boy's friends weren't there, and I guess they're like Ron and Harry, and wouldn't be caught dead in a bookstore.

"Are... are you alright" I mutter and he heaved a deep sigh appearing to try to control himself. I shook my head slightly. God forbid he should ever loose the slightest control. I had quickly realized that it was all about control with the blond heir. It somehow always came down to that small issue. It just as you had been so afraid when that troll invaded Hogwarts, or when we were all sentenced to detention in the forbidden forest, I think it wasn't that you were a coward, not truly anyway.

You did not hesitate one second to duel Harry in our second year or perform dangerous stunts on your broom. It was just that you felt like you had to have control... always had to have control. I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like. The blond closed his eyes "Briliant" he huffed leaning against the bookcase casually and it amazed me, that even doing this, he seemed to retain the arrogant, arristocratic air that he alwasy seemed to have. Lucius really had done a great job molding him. He put down the books he'd picked up and I eye him carefully "Malfoy, you can't keep doing this..." I try and reason and he narrowed his eyes "And what Granger, do yo propose I do?" he asked, his voice cold as ice. I raise an eyebrow "You could talk to someone" I suggest and he gave a bitter chuckle "What good will that do?" he questioned and I roll my eyes "Then maybe people can help you" I sigh. I knew that untill he would open up there was nothing anyone could do for him.

* * *

I know that she is only trying to help, but I just did not wish to talk about it. I sigh. I know she is right, but I just wasn't really the 'sharing' type of guy. I give her a curt nod "I know..." I mutter under my breath and her look tells me she caught it. I close my eyes for a second before my friends join at my side again. I gave the girl a sneer before pushing past a few other students who quickly got out of my way. I smirk inwardly. If only they knew I weak I really was... I shookmy head slightly as we go outside and decide to head back to the castle. I had to help them with some transfiguration and dada. We move to the common room and I start to explain the work until they understood before my eagel-owl soared through the window landing on the armrest of the chair I was sitting in. It nipped my hand affectionately and I pet the birds feathers absentmindely collecting the note it had been been carying. I slowly open it and the it was immediately clear by the strong, neat handwriting whom it had come from.

I will be meeting you in Hogmead next Thursday and you can inform me about your progress. I also have a few things I have to discuss with you.

_LM_

It was so typical. Short, to the point. Time was money and my father would be damn to waste either on me, his failure of a son. My friends looked over at me and "What is it Draco" Vince asked and I shake my head "Nothing" I quickly reply. The boy frowned "Uhuh..." he replied unconvinced and I roll my eyes. this really was turning out to be an.. interesting day. And now my father was once again requested I meet him. Just great... I glance over at my friends simply shaking my head "It's fine" I eventually simply answer, and even though they obviously do not believe me, they leave it at that. I lean back in my seat. I know what my father was after. He had probably recieved the results of our latest test scores and he most likely wasn't pleased. I really didn't care anymore. I just couddn't be bothered even though I was not going to let my grades slip.

After diner I made my way into one of the many bathrooms scattered around the castle with my trusty dagger. It had been too long before I had a chance to do this. I press the cold steel against my arm. I make a few cuts before I heard something behind me. I close my eyes and shake my head. This was getting annoying. I wave my hand and everything was clean once more as I slowly turned around.

"Have you finally completely lost you insanity Malfoy?" came the mocking voice. What was suddenly the matter with me? Suddenly I was making mistakes left and right... I let my silver eyes meet a pair of bright blue ones and close my eyes in exhaustion. The redhead frowned. What had he been expecting? That it was some sort of joke? I couldn't blame him really... I had been one hell of a bastard to him. He eyes were still on me and he shook his head "Why on earth would you do this?" he asked his gaze settling on my wrist where the new cuts had dissapeared with the glamour charm that I had almost permenently charmed over myself "It... I....." dear lord, was I actualy stammering infront of a Weasley? I took a deep breath "It just feels good to be in control. To have something real... to just let it all out...". The redhead narrowed his eyes "And your father doesn't hurt you enough?" he asked. I shrugged "I hardly even feel that anymore" I shrug. It was pretty much the truth. I had endured my father's tortures for so long that really it didn't hurt anymore... I had learned to take myself to another place when my father would start his punnishments. I turn to the redhead who still eyed me in disbelieve, and for a moment I think he eyes might bulge out of their sockets. He sighed eventually "Look Malfoy..." he started uncertain "I... I'm sorry about your father...." he stated "No-one deserves that... not even a prat like you..." he added as after thought and I shake my head with a chuckle I could just not suppressed "Thanks Weasley" I smile ever so slightly. He seemed to get uncomfortable "You can leave now Weasley" I smirk and he nodded seemingly relieved as he turned around out of the room, probably in search of another bathroom.

* * *

I sat in my dorm, and I couldn't sleep. I decided to listen to the radio I have brought and read some, as I always did. My mind was just racing on how Harry, Ron and I would be able to help the Slytherin ice prince. I really had no experience with this... I really thought it would be best to go to Dumbledore before the blond heir were to wind up dead, but then again, I suppose it wasn't my decision was it? I sigh leaning back on the big four-poster bed. How quickly things could change. Just a few days ago I was totally oblivious and hated the blondes guts, and now I was trying my best help him.

Did you know

_Hidden by his clothes there are some scars._

_Some are recent, _

_Some have been there for years_

_Did you know, _

_It doesn't even hurt, _

_It never really hurts, but there are tears_

Music fills me and even though I had never heard the song, it reminded me of the Malfoy heir. I had never even imagined you going through that and really, I imagine his body would be littered with old and recent scars. I wonder though. Did it even hurt anymore? Where there still any tears left?

_Do you want the real story, _

_or do you prefer the lie._

_Do you want to see him smile, _

_or maybe see him cry._

_Do you want to follow? _

_or let him go alone_

For then, never to know... never to know.

These lyric had me thinking. Did I really want to dig too deep? I don't know. The lie you had build up seems much more comfortable. The idea of you simply being your father's pride and joy and you being the spoilt little boy that got everything he wanted. I cannot begin to think on how much energy that must have taken. I do however want to help him and he wouldn't be alone anymore.

Have you seen the way he acts sometimes.

_And when you ask, _

_he'll say that he's okay._

_Have you seen how well he pretends._

_Laughs out loud, _

before he looks away.

The blond really had his act down. Having fooled everybody for so long. I can hardly believe it, but really you had had us fooled. I do believe though that his friends had some sort of clue that something was wrong. I sigh as the song ends.

Do you want the real story,  
or do you prefer the lie  
Do you want to see him smile,  
or maybe see him cry  
Do you want to follow,  
or let him go alone.

I leaned back and listen to the radio a bit longer before deciding to try and get some sleep. I was feeling rather downhearted and unsure. Was there even a way to help that troubled boy? I highly doubted it. Even if we succeeded in getting him away from his father, he had still spent 14 years with that man and that was bound to have left some major permanent marks, and I really had no clue how to deal with that. I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

* * *

I laid in bed when the redhead entered the dorm. I smile "Hey Ron" I greet but stop at the look on his face and his ashen complexion "Ron? Are you alright?" I quesiton immediately concerned. He sat down on his bed shaking his head "Yes.... I'm fine... I just.... I came across Malfoy tonight" he sighed "I think that boy has really lost it" he sighed "He was cutting himself". I sigh looking at my best friend "I know" I tell my friend "I just wish I knew how to stop him" I sigh. The redhead shrugged "Apart from supervising him 24/7? I don't see how you would be able to" he commented and I know he was right. The boy sighed "I have never been more grateful for mom and dad" he sighed and I nodded. Even I was thankful for the Dursleys. So yeah, they hated me, they had stuffed me in a cupboard, but at least they never physically hurt me...

The redhead sighed "So we are really going to do this huh?" he looked at me. I smile and nodded "Yes, Ron... I have to at least try and help him". He sighed "Very well" he agreed and so we said goodnight.

The next morning was a sunday and even if Hermione made us study untill late in the afternoon she had smiled and called it a day and we headed outside towards the lake. You were already there and staring of into the distance. I glanced over at my friends and they nodded in understanding. It seemed there would be a fourth sitting with us today. We walk over and sit down near you. Your blond head snapped up but you soon relax when you see it's only us.

"Hey Draco" I great and you sighed in resignation "Hello" you return the greeting with a ever so slight smile. "Look Draco... I think it is about time you talked...." I start and you heaved a heavy sigh eying the three of us. "Whatfor? You already know.." you commented and I shook my head "No we don't..." I counter "When was the first time he hit you...?" I question softly and I see you're silver eyes darkning ever so slightly but a sigh excaped your lips before you look away.

* * *

**thank you all for reading!**

**hope you liked it...**

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	12. Chapter 12

Why on earth can't you just leave me alone? I know you're a Gryffindor and that alone makes it hard to butt out of other people's business, but honesly, is it really that hard to simply let things go? I look away and my mind raced. I couldn't even really remember the firt time my father hit me. I sighed "I must have been 2 or 3 years old... I spilled some water ..."

"You clumsy stupid boy" was hissed in his direction as a few drop had spilled on the table. The small todler's head snapped up biting his bottem lip. His father had always scared him "Go to your room" the Malfoy patriarch ordered and the small child quickly turned to the staircase and ran up to his room where he stood his whole body trembling from fear. Footsteps could be heard up the stairs and the boy took a steadying breath as he turned towards the door. His father soon towering over him, the man's cane pushing up his chin so that their eyes were forced to meet "You really have shamed me boy" he hissed as he backhanded his son across the face who staggered back at the impact. "I'm sorry sir" the boy's small voice piped up turning his head back towards his father who yanked him closer "Do not speak unless specifically asked" he hissed and the boy quickly shut his mouth "I think it is about high time I taught you a lesson boy" Lucius snarled and the boy bit his bottom lip and simply nodded. What else was he supopsed to do?

The small child soon found himself thrown to the floor and kicks and hits rained down on him. He yelped in surprise and pain and his father gave a disgusted snort "You're pathetic Draco. Act your age" he ordered and the todler quickly kept silent. His father soon got bored and with one last kick and disgusted look the man left the room...

Granger's eyes had grown wide and even Weasley seemed shocked. I close my eyes for a second as Weasley's voice now cut through the air, albeit slightly wavery "What about your mother then, didn't she do anything?"

I give a bitter chuckle "My father needed an heir, my mother never wanted children" I shrug "I was my father's responsibility". The girl frowned "She didn't do anything?" she questioned in disbelieve and I sigh shaking my head...

A tall blond woman stood in the middle of a large lounge her light blue eyes on an a pair of silver eyes her mouth in an angry sneer. "He's you're son Lucius, you wanted an heir, he is entirely your responsibility, I want nothing to do with him. Just keep the brat away from me!" she yelled at her husband.  
Lucius raised an eyebrow "Fine, as you whish Narcissa, but in the future you will AT LEAST play the doting in public!" he yelled back. The woman sighed throwing up her hands in surrender "fine, but that's where it ends!" she responded coldly.  
A three year old blond boy was standing in the hallway near the door clearly having heard everything that had been said. The boy was slightly confused. What had he done wrong? He wracked his small brain but really couldn't think of anything that he could have done to make his mother hate him. He bit his lip fighting back the tears that we suddenly threatening to fall and quickly made his way back up to his room.

I run my hand through my hair my eyes closed for a moment to compose myself. I really had not wanted to go on this little trip down memory lane. But then again, I suppose no-one had ever really given a damn as to what I want. To my surprise I find two soft arms wrapping themselves around me and my eyes shoot open, my muscles tensing immediately. I couldn't even remember if I'd ever been hugged before, and touch usually meant pain and agony. I have to admit though... it felt... nice and warm... even if it took me a little while to be able to relax into it...

* * *

I have been listening to the blond boy intently and I was shocked, tears stinging my own eyes. How could someone do this to anyone... especialy to their own child? When he told us about his parent's fight I couldn't help myself and flung my arms around him. The look on his face was.. priceless... shock and surprise written all over his features. The reason behind that however was rather sad. I don't think you have ever really been hugged have you? He felt so frail and thin and I could feel all the muscles in his body tense and it took a few minutes for him to relax. I don't even really know what came over me. After he had told us these things, I just wanted to make him feel better. Show him a bit of the warmth he'd been deprived of for so long... just as I had tried with Harry. I couldn't help though but notice how

This might be harder though then it had been with Harry. Even thou with gh that horrid family of his had never shown him any form of love. His parents had, and then he had come to Hogwarts at 11 where the Weasleys, Hagrid, Dumbledore and later me, had taken it upon themselves to try and show him love. I don't think the teen currently residing in my arms had ever had that. This was one of the other reasons why I wanted to go and tell someone. Maybe if more people knew, more people could try and help him. I watch him, and now that I was this close, I could see it in his eyes, the exhaustion, the desperation, the sadness, where previously I had been convinced that they were completely empty and simply cold and emotionless. I eventually release the boy from my embrase. He leaned back on his elbows, I suppose he did not quit know what posture to adopt and I can't even begin to imagine what he must have been through, and how hard it must have been to tell us. I feel the urge to hug him again, but I somehow think that might not be the smartest thing to do. I glance over at my two friends. Harry seems about ready to explode from anger and Ron just seems shocked. I can't really blame him. I don't think any of us had even thought of the possibility that the blond heir's life was anything less then perfect. I then figure it would be best to leave Harry and Draco alone, as I think he had already gained more of the other teens trust then we have.

"Come on Ron" I speak up and gave my friend a pointed look. He looked up confused but then comprehension spread over his face and he shrugged rising to his feet "Okay 'Mione" he obliged and I stand up as well. I gave the two teen remaining a smile and then we left.

* * *

I send Hermione a grateful smile. I really have no idea what to do however and for a few minutes, silence remains. I glance over at you trying to meet you gaze, but you keep your eyes firmly to the ground. I put a hand on the frail shoulders and feel your muscles tense under my touch. I didn't mean to scare you, but then you turn your head upwards and I can see your eyes brimming with unshed tears, and I can almost see you inward struggle to try and contain them. I don't really know what to do. I just wished I could make things better, that I could somehow take some of the pain. Hmm... Perhaps you were right about the whole 'Hero complex' issue. What can I say? I have problems. You seem to have won the battle against you tears for now though and simply stared ahead blankly.

I sigh slightly "Merlin Draco, why have you never told anyone?" I question. It was much worse that I had envisaged and really it still amazed me how you could have handled this on your own for so long. You simply shrugged "No-one I could tell" you answer, your voice soft and I sighed "You could have told Dumbledore" I counter and he rolled his eyes "Please, as if he doesn't know" you smirk and I narrow my eyes. That couldn't be right could it? Dumbledore wouldn't let this happen would he? I sigh deeply deciding I would have to have a talk with him. I just didn't understand how no-one at school could have known "Does anyone else know?" I ask my eyes still on his.

You shook your head "No, and it isn't anyone else's business" you muttered. "It might help you to talk about it" I tell him and you roll your eyes "I just did now didn't I?" you counter and I smile slightly. Yes you did, but I somehow had the feeling that it was only a slight tip of the proverbial ice-berg and I couldn't even begin to imagine all the things you'd gone through, and I don't think I really want to. I cannot believe anyone could even do this to their own child. Then Crabbe and Goyle walked outside. I wondered slightly where they had been. It seemed they were incapable of doing something without you, their leader. But then again, I assumed you needed them as well. I rise to my feet greeting the two lanky boys with a nod of my head as I passed them. They smiled and sat down next to you.

xxxxxxxxxxx

When Granger and Weasley leave I'm unsure why you remain. Perhaps trying to get something more out of me? I sigh. I had already revealed to damn much to too many people. I'm relieved when eventually; Vince and Creg appear and greet you before you trot of, back to your friends. I just wished I could leave this all behind... my friends sit down beside me and we started talking about trivial matters such as the best quidditch strategy. We had a match against Ravenclaw next weekend and would be spending a lot of time practicing this week. I was beginning to get lost in all the things that I had to do, and I had no clue what I was even doing anymore. I was just so damn tired. I brush the blond hair from my face and am glad for the mindless chatter of my friends. It meant that I didn't have to think or pay much attention. They seemed to understand my need for this, and for that I'm grateful. They gave me a knowing look however, and I know that soon they would demand I tell them. For now though, I'd just suck it up.

We decide to head back inside. It had become time for diner. Ugh, I once again wasn't really hungry. I realized however that my body needed nutrition. We went into the great-hall and sat down. Soon food appeared on our plates and I force some down my throat... Then we headed back to the Slytherin commons and I decide to continue my father's reading as I knew I had to finish it sometime, and if I would be unable to beat Granger in classes, I might as well give up on homework and just do this work. My friends talked amongst themselves and left me alone. I wasn't sure how long I could go before telling them what was going on. Sad really that Potter of all people was the first one getting something out of me. I still had trouble believing the golden trio of all people had been able to get me to talk. I sigh shaking my head... things really had changed, and so fast really. I turn my attention back to my book...

* * *

I walk back to the Gryffindor room where Ron and Hermione were waiting for me. They come over "You got anymore out of him?" the girl asked but I shake my head. Ron sighed "Why aren't we going to Dumbledore?" he put in his two cents. I shake my head "He doesn't want to" I counter and he sighed "Come on Harry, there is nothing we can do if we don't get him help" he commented. I guess your stories have had an impact on him. How could it not? I guess all the years of childish bickering and squabbling didn't matter anymore and Ron seemed to have forgotten about it, just as Hermione and myself. Hermione sighed "I agree with Ron Harry" she nodded and I grit my teeth "I cannot betray his trust like that" I retort stubbornly. I know they are right. That there is nothing we can do until we can get him to go to Dumbledore or hell, anyone for that matter. "Look, I know you're right, but I don't want to do that without his permission…" I mutter. The redhead raised an eyebrow "We are talking about Malfoy here, there is no way he is ever going to give his consent to go ask for help". "I know" I eventually agree "But I don't want to go down that road… not yet anyway" I tell them. They nod in agreement "It's your call Harry" Ron shrugged and I smile at them.

"Fancy a game of chess?" Ron asked and I nod. There was nothing else we could do right now anyway and so we sit down for a game. Hermione sat down next to us with, quelle surprise, with a book. I smile as I, as usual, getting my ass handed to me by the youngest Weasley boy. Hermione is totally engrossed in her book and her seemingly never ending thirst for knowledge that has saved us on more then one occasion and made homework a lot easier. Then we decided to call it a night and we walked up to our dorm.

"I can't believe how well he has fooled everyone" Ron sighed from his bed and I nodded "I thought the same thing" I agree "I honestly thought I was seeing things at first". Ron nodded "Who'd have thought that after all these years, we'd be trying to help Malfoy instead of cursing him into oblivion". I smile "Who'd have thought indeed". "I just don't understand why he would be hurting himself" my friend sighed "I would think that what his father does was enough to last someone a gazillion lifetimes. "I don't know" I sigh "I suppose it all comes down to control doesn't it?" the redhead nodded "I suppose so" he shook his head. We continued talking for a bit longer, and then we went to sleep.

* * *

Where did you and the 'golden trio' talk about? Somehow I hoped you had found someone you could confide in, even if it wasn't us. I wonder if you ever will. Should we put some pressure on it? Make you talk? We are set outside and I meet eyes with Creg for a second knowing he was probably thinking the same thing. He simply shrugged as if to say 'I don't know'… big help… I suppose we couldn't force you to talk could we? I sigh as we simply resumed our discussion about quidditch… how very Slytherin of us. Never talk about the deeper important stuff. Keep all your contacts superficial and trust nobody. It seemed to be perfect for you though and I think maybe we should get Zabini involved. I knew he was worried as well, even though there was no way he'd ever show it.

Our Italian dorm-mate might also have more insight, as I know he also knew something was going on, even more then we did, since, let's just come out and say it, Blaise was simply a lot smarter then us. Then we headed to diner before retreating to the common-rooms. You resume your reading and it is somehow funny how it seemed you were the 'Granger of Slytherin' I shake my head, as I knew that, whereas Hermione choose to do this, you did not, and even though I truly believed you had a thirst for knowledge, the pressure put on you by your father was not helping matters. Creg and I resumed our talk stealing glancing over at your blond frame. You were completely absorbed in your work and it was almost as if the world did not exist to you, your blond hair falling into your eyes and you were quickly flipping through the book. I wonder where how you do it. Where do you find the resilience I know I would never be able to muster. Was it strength, or just a survival mechanism? I can easily believe both. I stretch and yawn and Creg and I decide to call it a night.

"Night Draco" we greet as we pass the couch you are seated on and you don't even look up "Okay, night" you mumble, your quill scratching away on your parchment. Zabini is still in the common-room as well, but he shows no sign of getting up anytime soon. I suppose he is simply getting some work done. Whoever knows with that guy… I sigh before reaching the stairs and heading upstairs. The two boys were simply left alone doing whatever it was they did.


	13. Chapter 13

When I finished my readings, I looked up to see Zabini and me were the only ones still up and I yawned having completely lost track of time. I rose to my feet and the Italian boy looked up from whatever it was he was doing. He glanced over at the clock also obviously just realizing what time it was. He slammed his books closed and stood up and we made our way up to our dorm in silence. There was this unspoken understanding between us. I head into the bathroom firmly locking the door behind me. I take out my dagger staring at it transfixed. It was as if it was my lifeline and my only grip on reality and sanity. Was that father's master plan? To just beat me down time and time again that I would eventually simply loose it? Who ever knew with him? The dark lord had not chosen my father as one of his right-hand man for no reason. The knife easily slid through my flesh and soon the basin was stained with red. I didn't care though and continued slicing. When I felt tat it had been enough I charmed everything spotless again and changed into my pajama and sigh before running a hand through my hair and made sure my cuts were not noticeable for anybody else and then I made my way to my bed and slid under the covers. Finally I could get some rest, with having finished my work for tomorrow I might add.

Sleep came easily, as I was just sooo damn tired. I however could have done without the memories that my dreams were filled with. Why did I forget to take a damn potion? Had my godfather's warnings gotten to me? I was up early and made my way down to the common room. I then went outside. Why couldn't I just end it? Call it quits. I sigh. I suppose I really am a coward. A failure. I shake my head to clear my mind. I leaned back on my elbows and simply stared out over the rippling waters. What on earth was my problem? I close my eyes.

When breakfast time rolled along I simply head indoors and join my table. My dorm-mates sent me a curious glance but I just shrug and put some toast in my mouth. I just suppress the urge to run from the room and simply force some food down my throat. Really, why did I always have to eat? I simply put the toast in my mouth and then head out of the room ready for another day of classes. I feel several pairs of eyes on me but ignore them. I suppose the rest of the school was starting to sense how I was slowly loosing it. I slowly made my way back to the dungeons, where I was soon joined by my class-mates for yet another potion class. I simply focus on what was being said. I however didn't miss the glances Snape was sending my way and I roll my eyes. This was getting so annoying. How could I have been so foolish as to let things get this far?

I had not had any trouble concealing my family life for anyone and now everyone seemed to know. I just wished I could somehow disappear or something. I close my eyes for a moment before I grab my bags and leave.

How long did you have this time before your father would show up again? I just hoped you had some time to yourself. I was starting to get scared for you. You seemed to have changed so much, and in all honesty, I do not know what to make of it. As if my life was complicated enough as it was…. I however could not just do nothing and so I told myself to keep an eye on you. I'm done with my potion and am simply waiting for class to be over. Snape is unusually silent today and I figured he is worried about you as I see him glance in your direction every so often. What was that man's problem? Why didn't he do something to help? Had I been wrong? He must have had some clue right? Ugh, I was giving myself a headache. I put my things in my bag watching you walk out of the room.

Hermione put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a sad smile. I smiled back as we left the room "I still think we should go and inform Dumbledore" she sighed. I shake my head "Not yet 'Mione, please, I want to try and get him to do that himself. The girl sighed but shrugged "It's your call Harry" she stated reluctantly and I nodded "Thanks 'Mione" I smile and she rolled her eyes. The rest of the week was filled with homework and quidditch. At the weekend there was a match between Slytherin and Ravenclaw. We all sat down to watch. Secretly I hoped you'd win. It would save you a whole lot of trouble and in all honesty, you were a very good seeker. The only reason I kept beating you was pure luck.

Luckily you won the match and your team dismounted happily slapping you on the back and you smiled… one of those rarely seen real, genuine smiles. I couldn't help feeling relieved. You disappear towards the Slytherin locker-room with your team and we all head back inside. Soon it is time for diner, but you are nowhere to be seen. I wondered where you were, since all other Slytherins were present. I immediately started to get worried, even though it could very well be that you just weren't hungry. I really don't know, I just had an uneasy feeling. I glance over at the Slytherin table where I see Crabbe, Goyle and Zabini talk amongst each-other, Vince and Creg looking worried while Zabini had kept his expression blank. I glance over at my friends who simply shrugged. Ron and I had decided to go and do some flying. Of course, with my luck, I fell of my broom and ended up in the infirmary, and even after my protests of being fine Madame Pomfrey sentences me to stay at least for one night. I roll my eyes but nod.

Later that night I was awoken by someone being rushed in and Madame Pomfrey running from her office "Oh dear, what happened?" she asked "I don't know, I found him like this a few minutes ago" a deep familiar voice rang through the silent night. I sat up squinting my eyes searching for my glasses. I could hear Madame Pomfrey scurrying around muttering things under her breath. I could hear her muttering spells before she finally gave an exasperating sigh when I hear her shake her head some more muttering came from the other room and I frown… Oh would you be pissed when you woke up. I hear a gasp but then again, I already knew what it was she had found. The medi-witch then shoed whomever had brought the boy in out of the infirmary. Then she tried doing a few spells but then realized she was going to have to resort to the muggle methods of healing. After she was finished You were wheeled next to me. We were the only two in the infirmary and I just figured Madame Pomfrey wanted to keep a close eye on the both of us.

* * *

I groan, my whole body aching. What was going on? Where was I? Then the familiar stench of the Hospital wing hit me and I grumble under my breath as I sit up running a hand through my hair. That's when I see it… you in the bed next to me… I gave a heavy sigh… this is just marvelous… now what was I going to say? I knew no-one else could really see my injuries, but I was sure that Madame Pomfrey had. I would have to come up with a plausible story… I grumble before I simply close my eyes and try to get back to sleep. The next morning movement beside me wakes me and I slowly open my eyes. You have just gotten up and gotten dressed.

You turn your attention towards me "Morning Draco…" he asked "How are you feeling?" I simply shrug and push myself upright "Fine" I insist before swinging my legs out from under the covers. Madame Pomfrey however stands in the doorway "Where do you think you're going Mr. Malfoy?" she asked and I simply roll my eyes "Classes Miss" I simply reply but really there was no way she was going to let me go "There will be no classes for you for a while Mr. Malfoy" she told me and I sighed "But……" I start, but am quickly cut of "No buts, you will stay here until I give the all clear" she informed and I am about to object but think better of it grumble getting back to bed. I really didn't feel well… probably another concussion. Merlin how I hated that man. I really wonder what I had ever done to him to deserve such treatment. You glance over "Just rest Draco" you say and I roll my eyes, did you really not understand that I couldn't? I couldn't relax… I couldn't rest. If I did, I was almost certain to get killed. You bite your lip, probably uncertain as to what to say "Just go Harry" I mutter "You don't want to be late for class do you? Hermione would kill you". You smile slightly and I return it before closing my eyes. I was just so bloody tired. When I wake I can vaguely hear two voices in the room "Severus, I'm telling you, this boy is seriously hurt" the familiar voice of the medi-witch rang through the room but the meaning of her words did not really register in my still hazed mind. I just kept my eyes closed as my godfather eyed me "The boy seems fine Poppy" he spoke and I open my eyes "Yes, I'm" I agree coldly and simply rise to my feet "see all better" I shrug "I just fell down the stairs". The medi-witch sighed in exasperation "fine, suit it yourself" she snapped obviously annoyed.

I get changed feeling slightly better now I had been able to catch up on some sleep. I would just go back to my dorm and get some more sleep before going back to classes. I walk from the room without another word feeling two sets of eyes boring into my back. I ignored it and headed back into the dungeons and to my dorm. I let myself fall on the bed and close my eyes quickly falling back asleep.

I make my way to breakfast where I'm greeted by my two friends, both a look of concern on their faces "Harry, mate, are you alright?" Ron asked and I smiled "Yes Ron, you know Madame Pomfrey would have not let me leave if she didn't believe I was" I counter and they smiled before I got serious again "Draco was there as well" I told them and they frowned "His father?" Hermione asked hesitantly and I sigh before nodding "Yeah" the girl sighed "How bad was it?" she asked and I shake my head "I don't know, but Pomfrey would not let him leave this morning" I reply and she nodded as Ron shook his head "He really should tell someone" he commented and I nodded "I know Ron" I agree, even though I knew you would never do so yourself. I just hoped you'd be alright. Then it becomes time to head to class and we make our way to our first class. I simply went through the pointless routine of writing down notes, checking homework, taking in the new information.

After classes we headed back to the infirmary, but we were informed that Draco had been discharged. I frown. I thought she had told him he was not to leave for a while. I sigh… You must have insisted on leaving. This meant you were probably back in the Slytherin rooms. I wonder if I should go down there and check on you, but I figure maybe you simply needed some time alone. I really had no idea what I should do…. I really wanted to help you, but I couldn't do that if you kept running away from people. I would really have to find a way to break through your barriers once and for all. I then turn to my friends "So what do you guys want to do now?" I ask… The two others shrugged "There is nothing we can do for now" Ron commented "He'll probably be back in school tomorrow, so we can try and talk to him then" the brunette added and I sigh by nodded "I suppose so" I agree before we head to the Gryffindor tower where Hermione made us do our homework.

* * *

I slowly wake up…. vaguely aware of soft fingers brushing hair away from my face and trailing over my forehead and cheeks after they resumed stroking my hair. 'hmm.' I had to admit that was rather nice. It almost lulled me back to sleep but eventually I opened my eyes meeting the dark eyes of my friend. She smiled as she noticed I had awoken "Morning Drake" she whispered and I groan not ready to fully wake yet, but I still returned her smile. "Hello to you too Pans" I groan slowly pushing myself into a sitting position. She put a hand on my chest "Don't Dray, just lay back" she spoke softly and I frown but am easily convinced "What happened to you?" she asked and I simply shrug "I must have fallen down some stairs" I reply and she frowned "Draco! Don't lie to me" she demanded and I simply raise an eyebrow "I'm not" I simply counter, really not in the mood for this. "You really think we have no clue?" she now continued "That we don't know?" she shook her head "I've known you my whole life, Draco, so don't even try that… Creg told me how he found you"

"Parkinson" I interrupt and I can just see the hurt flash over her features. Good… it meant it was working "Don't draw conclusions on things you know nothing about" I hiss. I knew how much this would hurt her, believe me I did, but I just…. I don't know… I couldn't deal with this now… I just needed someone to pay… for what I wasn't even sure, and well, she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Besides I needed to push her away… she was getting too close and I couldn't handle that… I just didn't know what else to do… it was bad enough that the golden trio had already found out. I saw her bite her lip as she clenched her jaw "Well Malfoy" she hissed emphasizing my last name "Excuse me for trying to help a friend" she snapped as she rose from my bed "I never asked for any help!" I snarl in her direction and she threw up her hands in exasperation "Suit it yourself" she snapped and stormed from the room. I turn around, my back to the door as I ball my hands into fists in frustration.

Goddamned… it wasn't as if I wanted to go around hurting my friends, but I just couldn't help myself. I just closed my eyes my hand rummaging through my nightstand and getting out a potion vial, quickly downing it before I let myself drift of again.

* * *

I and Vince were sat in the common-room talking about what happened last night. I still could not get over how I found you last night. Laying at the bottom of some stairs. I wondered how you had gotten there. Did your father simply leave you there? Or did he actually push you down the stairs? I really have no idea… and I don't think it really matters. I quickly rushed you to the infirmary and had been sent away. Then when we returned after classes Pomfrey told us he had left. We had checked in our dorm, but you were sleeping and we figured it best to just let you sleep. Pansy had just gone up to see you and Vince frowned 'That is going to give trouble…" he commented and I nod. You were not one for dramatics or any of that. When 10 minutes later the girl came down the stairs in a huff I shake my head "Pansy" I call out and the girl stopped.

"What Creg?" she snapped and I sighed "You know you can't take anything he says when he get's like this personally" I tell her. She turned around before flopping down on the couch "Yeah, yeah, I know" she eventually sighed calming down "I just wish he'd confide in me" she sighed. We nodded "And yet we all know he never will" Vince commented and we all nodded…It was the sad truth. "Perhaps we should have some sort of intervention?" Pansy suggested and I frown "And how were you planning on doing that?" I ask tilting my head. She rubbed her chin in thought "We'll have to get Blaise into this as well" she spoke, more to herself then to anyone else. Vince and I share a look. We had been thinking the same thing the other day. "We just need to sit him down making sure he has no escapes" she continued "Soon would be best, he's got a concussion right? That makes him less resistant" oh was she ever in the right house. Know someone else's weak points. I look around to see if our missing room-mate was around. "Zabini" I called out and the tall Italian frowned "What Crabbe?" he asked coming over. Before, however, I could say anything Pansy had beaten me to it. "We're going to get Draco to talk" she smiled and the Italian boy rolled his eyes "I don't know about that Pans..." he hesitated "It might do more harm that good" he pointed out but Pansy shook her head "It's been long enough" she deducted, and I couldn't help but agree with her. And so we stuck our heads together trying to figure out the best plan.


	14. Chapter 14

**I've completely forgot to thank my reviewers the past few chapters... **

***bites lip***

**forgive me?**

**Black Alice Butterfly: I've updated… it just took me a little time to think about what I wanted to happen next…. I hope you like it…. I have to admit I'm a bit stuck on this story…**

**WolfKeeper989: I'm glad you like the pace… I was worried I went a bit too fast at some point and far to slow at others… I'm glad you're still enjoying the story..**

**x Bluebell Flames x: I've updated *nodnod* I think I had him be a bit younger… perhaps that was taking things a bit too far, but I felt like it fit somehow… I hope you liked it! I'm sorry it took me so long to update…**

**NemoChan320: I have finally updated, and yes I had him spill some of the beans… *nodnod* I felt it appropriate… and wouldn't have known what else to do…**

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**zo3: okay… calm down… lol… I'm soooo glad you enjoy it so much… I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint too much… it's not the best I have to admit…. **

**now on with the new chapter... I hope you all like it!**

When I woke up again there were four people standing around my bed, three boys and a girl and I frowned. What on earth was this? Something told me to run… told me to get out and I push myself into a sitting position. Pansy settled on my bed her eyes boring into mine "Draco, we want to talk to you" she started her face serious. I frown slightly "No, we don't" I respond. What on earth was suddenly going on? What on earth did they want? The brunette put a hand on my knee "It's about time, Draco, that you talked about what on earth is going on with you" she spoke and the three other nodded. I narrowed my eyes dangerously "What on earth are you talking about?" I ask tilting my head at my 'friends'. The four of them rolled their eyes "Oh, come off it Malfoy" Zabini chipped in "You really think we have no idea?" he smirked "you should know better, especially after Creg found you the other night".

I rolled my eyes "You have got to be kidding me" I mutter shaking my head. What had suddenly gotten into my friends? One look at the brunette girl currently settled on my bed told me whose idea this little intervention had been. I sigh closing my eyes slightly as my head was still pounding and this really wasn't helping any. The three boys glanced up at the their newfound 'leader' in all this and she raised an eyebrow putting a hand on my knee "Draco" she spoke softly and I slowly open my eyes and look into her now concerned brown ones. I sigh "What is it you guys really want?" I ask. What the hell do I know?

"For you to finally tell us what the hell is going on with you" she countered and I sigh rolling my eyes. I rest my head in my arms "Why?" I whisper and once again am surprised at the utter weakness of my voice. A soft hand rests on my shoulder and I look up "Because we're your friends and want to help you" she answered her soft hands softly massaging my shoulders soothingly and I feel my eyes flutter close "Alright, alright…" I finally cave in knowing they'd not let it go this time "It's just that…"I really had no idea and luckily my friends seemed to notice. Pansy was still working some knots in my shoulders "Start with telling us what happened last night" she suggested softly. I close my eyes again but nod anyway "My father… he just…" I didn't really know how to say this… it. My father had just not been pleased with my performance, since, well, even if I did win the last match, I had lost against Gryffindor, and yes, my academics were second in our year, but still, Granger bested me. That just wasn't good enough. Not as a Malfoy, especially not coming in second to a mud-blood.

"My work has been slipping…" I start uncertain eyes still closed "He just had to punish me" I sigh not wanting to look them in the eye. It would just make things all the more real. Pansy brushed my hair from my face "So he beat the shit out of you and threw you down the stairs?" she asked in disbelieve and the three others just stared at me "It was just punishment…" I mumble under my breath and the girl wrapped her arms around me "Dray…" she whispered "it's not your fault" she whispered brushing some of my hair from my eyes. I roll my eyes "Of course it is, I just need to try harder" I mutter. The girl rolled her eyes "Drake, you can't…you have other things you also have to focus on, you can't do everything" she reasoned.

I however had grown up with the request of doing as much as possible, and that whatever you did needed to be perfect, anything less was simply unacceptable. I rested my head in my arms. This has really been a tough couple of days and I just felt so empty and drained. I wish I could believe her… but I know the truth. It _**IS**_ my fault. I close my eyes and Parkinson sees it as an invitation to hold me tighter.

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So now the day's classes and homework is done we spent the rest of the day playing a few games and talking amongst each-other about the next quidditch-match… the inevitable attack on our lives and the rise of Voldemort last year. Whereas no one else would believe me when I told them this last summer, Ron and Hermione luckily, did, and I was glad that I could talk to them about this, and now also about you… I wonder how you were doing now. Were you still sleeping perhaps? Or talking to your friends? I really didn't know. I sigh and push this to the back of my mind. There was nothing I could do at the moment and perhaps I should just leave it? I lean back in the chair I was seated in and just go through the rest of the day.

The next morning I watch as you stride into the great-hall. I meet your eyes and you simply shrug as if to say 'I am fine' I however think we both know better don't we? I think I don't even know half how broken you really are. I wonder how you will survive the summer. Three months with you father at the Manor? That must be torture and I hope we can find a way to help you. I couldn't bear the idea what could possibly be done to you over that period of time. Your friends glance over at you, and I see Parkinson put some food on your plate. You sigh running a hand through your hair about to protest, but she shoots you a look and you seem to think better of arguing with her. It's almost enough to make me smile, and I'm glad I apparently was wrong. They probably had known something was wrong but for whatever reason decided not to mention it, until yesterday. Perhaps because they knew how uncomfortable it would make you? I shake my head. It has become time for classes. Charms, I think. I simply follow my bushy-haired friend up the stairs.

I wonder if you'll be able to get through all of your classes today. I mean. You did have a concussion and that could plague someone for a long time. You appear to be doing fine though as you just sneer something at someone in your way before gracefully sliding in your seat and taking out the necessary books. Always keeping up appearances eh? I follow your example taking out my own books and I just wait for the lesson to start. How can you be in class already? Shouldn't you be in bed? I watch you in concern. I would need to have a talk with you later on leaving the hospital wing. I run a hand through my hair, trying to pay attention in class. I simply write down notes and just wait for the nightmare to end. When it finally does I notice you quickly gathering you things and trying to get away before anyone else has left the room. Your friends stare after you but I'm out after you. I know where you've gone… at least… I think I can guess.

And yes, there you are, in the nearest bathroom gripping the sink with one hand whilst holding your dagger in the other. Why do you keep doing this? Don't you realize how destructive this is? Or do you just simply not care anymore? I guess it's the latter. I simply reach out and gently take the dagger away from you. I don't want you to get even more hurt that you already are. You look up confused and then give me a look that reminded me of a small child that is trying to get what it wants. I sigh shaking my head "Draco… you don't have to do this anymore" I state but you just bite your lip and close your eyes "Yes I do" you reply avoiding my gaze. What am I going to do with you? It won't be long before you just decide that enough is enough and just…

I didn't even want to think about it. You just stare at me again and I don't know what I can do or say to make it better, but I do know that this has got to stop. I know I won't be able to convince you of that, of course, but this was not the way to deal with things. I turn my gaze back on you "Draco, maybe… maybe you should tell Dumbledore" I tell him, but of course you shake your head.

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Fuck…. Suddenly I feel my knife being taken from my hand. I quickly glance up to find you once again had decided to follow me, and this time, you actually planned on doing something, it seemed. I simply stare at you with an – what I'm sure – is a pleading look and I silently curse myself. What the hell was wrong with me lately? It was as if, after you found out, I had just turned to jelly and I find my strength fading fast. Ugh, I'm disgusting, and father is right to do what he does. He's right to punish me until I finally just get it right. You are now once again telling me to go to the headmaster with my problem. NO! I simply shake my head. I'm not getting anyone else involved, especially an adult. Hell I hadn't even told Severus, so why should I tell a virtual stranger about this? Besides, I'm sure Dumbledore would have a good old laugh and just spur father on. It's my own fault really, and it's not that I deserve any better anyway. I still hadn't figured out why you even gave a damn and I suppose I never will.

You seem to guess my thoughts though and bite your lip "but… Dumbledore can help" you insist, but I shake my head once again. Don't you get it? Dumbledore would not help me. I'm a coldhearted Slytherin git, and a Malfoy no less… the old man hates me, and I suppose not without valid reason. My father had tried to get him expelled on several occasions so why should he bother helping me, even if I would go to him. Besides… I don't need help… oh no, I'm just fine… Uhg, what's the point? I don't even know why I keep lying to myself… although it is rather comforting. I look back up at you "You're not going to tell him are you?" I ask almost frightened. I know the headmaster was like a… what? Grandfather or mentor or something for you and that you thought he'd just magically make it all better, but…. I was not convinced.

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I shake my head "No Draco, I'm not" I try and assure you. I wouldn't, not without your permission anyway. But you couldn't stop me from trying. I mean, I could try and take your father on myself, but somehow, I did not think that was such a good idea. I just watch you for a minute "We should get to our next class" I speak up eventually and you take a deep breath trying to pull yourself together and I swear I can almost see your face freeze over as your mask returns. That still amazes me. How you could so easily pretend nothing happened and move on. I hadn't quite figured out how to read through you yet… but I would get there. We head out of the bathroom and then to our next class. When we entered the room we slipped in our respective seats. My friends give me an inquiring look. I turn to them and quickly explain what had happened. Hermione quickly covered up her initial shock on finding out about your little habit. She glanced over at you worriedly and I can even see concern flash over my red-friend's features.

"I've tried talking to him about going to Dumbledore" I tell them and they looked up in wonder "What did he say?" the bushy haired girl asked and I shrug "Of course he won't" I sigh "Not that I was expecting anything different of course". The other two nodded "We'll just have to keep trying" Hermione spoke determined. I smile slightly nodded. I was happy they had taken to helping you as well, although I had not expected anything else. You were just sitting in your seat and stared ahead blankly. Why couldn't I figure out a way to help you? Why wouldn't you help yourself? You didn't want your father in trouble, did not want to even think about what was going on… but you couldn't go on like this, could you? I couldn't really force you to do anything. I sigh before turning back to what the teacher was saying.

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I know you want to help, I do, and I know I should appreciate it more, but, why couldn't everything just go back to normal? I just wanted to pretend nothing had happened and that it was just… What? A figment of your imagination? Was that really what I wanted? For it all to just go back to how it had once been? For it to go back to the way things were before. I closed my eyes. I don't think I can do this for much longer. I'm really starting to lose it. Pansy glances over at me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I force a smile, but know how fake it must seem by the look in her eyes. I don't really know what I can do about it though and just turned my attention back to the teacher. I run a hand through my hair and jot down some notes. I was glad when the day was over and I was able to just go out and relax for a little while. I gathered my things and quickly making my way from the room telling my friends I'd see them later. I made my way outside and sat down in the grass wanting to just sit and stare out over the water not thinking about anything at the moment.

I wasn't there for long though when Pansy had decided to follow me. I heaved an inward sigh but smiled anyway closing my eyes for a moment. The girl sat down beside me and without a world put a hand on my shoulder. The brunette started massaging my shoulder and neck and I close my eyes for a moment relaxing into her touch. I eventually lay down in the grass as she led me into her lap and started stoking my hair, still silent. She smiled softly showing the softness no-one else ever really got to see. I close my eyes once more and she is happy to just sit there and run her fingers through my hair in silence. Feel myself drift off to sleep, but I force myself to stay awake. I had work to do and that wasn't going to happen if I was asleep now was it? Pansy sighed "It's alright Dray" she soothed "You need to rest" she whispered gently and I sigh shaking my head "You know I can't" I reply and she sighed shaking her head. "Draco… you can't go on like this" she stated "You have a concussion… you shouldn't even be out of bed" she pointed out.

I run a hand through my hair "That's no excuse…" I hear myself mutter and am completely mortified at the pitiful sound that is my own voice. She just shakes her head and I can see her small hands are clenched into fists. I smile despite myself. She was such a good friend and I just count my lucky stars to have found her. I then close my eyes for one more moment as she simply continues her rhythmic movement humming softly to herself. I slowly feel myself drift off to sleep. I was just so exhausted. I wonder how it could have all changed so much.

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What am I going to do? I need to find some way of helping you, but it's been months since I've figured out your secret, but I still haven't the slightest clue as to how I can get you out of this situation. Not without betraying the trust you had had in me. Perhaps that would be worth it though. At least then you would be safe. I couldn't do that… not yet anyway. I ran a hand through my unruly hair. How could it be that no-one else had found out yet? Well… alright, so your friends had some clue as to what was going… perhaps they had even held they own intervention of sorts, but they too couldn't really do anything could they? Not unless you suddenly decided to do a complete 180. That was not going to happen was it? I walk outside and see your blonde head resting on Parkinson's lap. I smile slightly shaking my head for a moment before walking over. It was only then that I realized you're asleep. I can only imagine how tired you must be. The girl now looked up and smiles briefly giving a nod in acknowledgement.

"Potter" she greeted barely above a whisper, probably trying to keep from waking you. I smile and sat down in the grass next to her "How is he?" I ask keeping my voice down as well. Lord knows you need your rest. She now shrugs her shoulders "You know him" she sighed motioning towards you with her hand "No one ever really knows". I nod my head in affirmation. That was a fair assessment if ever there was one. I shake my head slightly wondering if that was ever really going to change. I came to the conclusion that the answer would probably be a resounding NO. That however didn't really matter. There were plenty of people now keeping an eyes on you, so I figured that sooner or later we all would find a way. Now slowly two grey eyes opened with a groan.

**Thank you all for reading! I hope you liked it... **

**It was not my best work I'll admit... but I hope it was alright...**

**please don't forget to leave a review...**

**xxx**

**malou**


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